When The Sun Breaks
by be my sun
Summary: In the midst of darkness, Bella finds someone else to live for. When he disappears before she tells him how she feels, who will save her? Will he come back? And will this new spark be able to extinguish the flames of an old lover's return? Bella/?. R
1. Chapter 1

**First fanfiction. Read & Review(:**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. If I did, there would be a much longer, extended version of the wedding night in Breaking Dawn(:**

**When The Sun Breaks**

The feeling was entirely indescribable. The overwhelming power coursing through my veins attacked my entire body, nerve by nerve, until the pain was reduced to nothing more than a distant throbbing sensation. There was no way that it was blood still filling my body. No, this was definitely not blood, but liquid energy flowing through me like an electric current. What was keeping me alive before meant nothing at this point. Heartbeats, pulses, oxygen… it was all secondary to the devastating force of the energy that consumed me. My body, mind, and soul were all at the will of this inexplicable might that had taken over. It was torture, blissful torture… What a way to live. Free. Feral. Untamed. Nothing could stop me now. No one could get in my way. This was the only way to live. Having experienced this thrill, this miracle, how could I ever go back? How could I submit myself to human limitations when I know what it's like to live with no bounds? And what in the world did I have to go back to?

Then it hit me. It only took one second, maybe even less. That was it. That was all it took for everything to be over. The hope. The power. I could feel the energy draining itself from me entirely, and blood filling my veins once again. I was not back to my human form, but never before had I felt weaker than at this one moment. Even in the midst of my wildest thoughts, my most reckless dreams, and an imagination full of possibilities, that was all it took to stop me dead in my tracks. One word… Two syllables. I obviously wasn't as powerful as I thought. If I were truly powerful, I would not be trembling uncontrollably. If I were truly,_ really_ powerful, there would be no tears threatening to spill from my hopeless eyes. That was it. A moment later I was human again. In this weak, naked form, I did not suppress the tears. Bella. _My Bella_. It would all have to be over now. I could never see her again. Not like this. Not when I was a _monster. _Bella would _never _love a monster. Not again. Not another one. But it was not my pain that had reduced me to tears. Bella, who had already suffered through more than any one person should _ever _have to go through, was about to be broken once again, by the one person who had made it his mission in life to mend her wounds. _Me_. I was supposed to be her sun. I was supposed to help her, heal the heart that the bloodsucker had so ruthlessly shattered. And here I was, rejoicing in my strength, in my rebirth, in my freedom. But I would never be free. Bella, my beautiful innocent Bella, could never see me like this. From this moment on, Bella would never be able to see me at all.

I might, by some miracle, be able to survive not seeing her, perhaps even knowing that instead of healing what was broken I merely added insult to her still bleeding injuries. But having her believe that I left because I no longer wanted her, because I no longer loved her with every single fiber of my being…. Now that was preposterous. _That_ I could never handle. But I was a monster, and, even worse, a monster bound to his Alpha's commands. I could never tell her what I am... She would never know the real reason why I must leave her. She would never be aware of tonight, the night that I would spend in the purest kind of agony, tortured by the thought of having to say goodbye. But there could be no goodbye. There was no way I was going to risk it. If I let my anger take control of me for even a split second... who knows what the monster in me would be capable of. Bella didn't deserve this. She deserved better than a monster, better than _me. _Leaving her might just kill me,but this is what's best for Bella. Perhaps not best for me… but best for _Bella_, and that was all that really mattered. I would suffer in silence, as long as I could be assured that she was okay. Now I was destined to live a life longer than any person should ever be allowed to live, permanently afflicted by thoughts of what could have been… If only…

If given the chance, I would have loved her unconditionally until my _last dying breath_. But what had I ever done to deserve such a chance? Besides... she would never be able to love me the way she loved him. That bloodsucker. That_ l__eech_. I hadn't understood until this moment what she must have felt when the bloodsucker left, why when he left, he took her hope and happiness with him. But now... now I understood. More than I ever wanted to. As I roughly wiped my tears off with the back of my hand, I realized that whether or not she was physically a part of my life, and no matter how far away that last, dying breath may be, I would love Isabella Marie Swan until the day that I ceased to exist. I knew she would soon forget me, she would find the strength to move on, but in my heart she will_ always_ be my Bells… One last deep breath was all it took. The sobs slowly came to an end, and I tried to rid myself of all emotion, of all feeling, as I phased once again. But this time there was no doubt in my mind that, no matter what, I wouldn't be phasing back.

**Thanks to all that read it, make sure to leave a review! They make my day(:  
Constructive criticism is totally appreciated.  
Tell me if you guys think I should continue this. I have a bit of an idea of where it might be headed... **

**-Annie **


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm sorry I haven't uploaded in so long. I hope you like this chapter(:**

**This one is in Bella's POV.**

_Gone._

I repeated that word to myself over and over and over again. But it didn't click. It didn't make sense. My brain refused to accept the meaning behind that one, horrifying syllable. It wasn't true. It _couldn't _be true. This is Jake we're talking about. _My_ Jake. We couldn't be talking about the same person. I let the phone fall out of my hands and hit the seat of the truck, but I didn't stop driving. Instead, I drove faster, to a new location, with a new purpose.

Gone. Left. Disappeared. Missing. Vanished.

All of those synonyms, with their different connotations, lead to same unacceptable conclusion. He wasn't here. He wasn't with me. And if he wasn't here, he couldn't be my sun. He couldn't hold me in his arms. He couldn't tell me it would all be okay. He couldn't look at me the way he used to, the way that always made me feel special, made me feel like I was almost alive again. He could never smile at me with that smile that lit up the whole world.

That's when it started. That's when it began to sink in. Jacob, my Jacob. He was _gone._

I couldn't even bring myself to be sad. There was no room in my heart for _sad. _I'd suffered enough misery for a lifetime. I couldn't even force myself to feel some kind of anger towards him, my best friend, the on who put the pieces back together just to shatter them again, even worse than they were before. No, I couldn't be mad. How could I blame him? How could I blame anyone for trying to get as far away from me as possible?

He gave me everything he had. He stood by my side and loved me when I didn't even love myself. He waited and waited and waited for the day that I would be able to finally give him something back. But I never did. I told myself that I couldn't fall in love with anyone else, that it wasn't possible. And when he showed me just how possible it was, I told myself it wasn't right, that it wasn't smart, that I couldn't get so attached to someone again. But the truth was, I was already attached. More attached than I ever wanted to be. And I still couldn't tell him the truth. I couldn't tell him how every smile he gave me took my breath away. I couldn't tell him how every time he touched me my heart skipped a beat. Or how every time he told me he loved me, my heart yearned to say it back, but my mind wouldn't allow it. How could I be mad at him for getting sick of waiting? How can I blame him for moving on?

If anyone was at fault here, it was _me_.

I didn't deserve either of them. But being the selfish, thoughtless person I was, I kept what I didn't deserve. It was only right that they should be ripped away from me. It was only right that I should be left to suffer alone.

Though I understood completely that I deserved it, all of it, I couldn't see how I could keep going. This is where the road ends for me. Jake can move on, he will finally fall in love with someone who deserves him, who can love him back the way I never could.

It's better this way. For _him. _Jacob, my Jacob.

I stepped out of my truck and took the last few steps to the edge of the cliff. I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but that was a promise I never expected to be able to keep. The tears flowed freely from my swollen eyes, but they weren't tears of grief or sorrow. They were tears of guilt. But I knew that in just one more step I wouldn't have to feel guilty anymore. No one else would have to suffer because of me. They could be all be happy.

In one determined movement, I stepped off of the edge of the cliff, into the raging waters below. And as I fell, almost like a prayer, I whispered "Jacob, my Jacob", and let the wind carry my prayer to the sun.

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**I promise things well get less depressing in the future lol.**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Eh, I'm not really feeling this chapter but I decided to put it up anyways and see if you guys could give me some feedback on how to fix it. Sorry its been so long. Holidays, then midterms /: I'll probably be updating more frequently now. Hope you guys like this chapter, its in Jacob's POV again[:**

_Jacob, where the fuck do you think you're going?_

_Get out of my head, Sam. Leave me the fuck alone._

_Can you get any more immature? You're just going to bail on us? On your brothers? Your tribe? On Bella?_

I couldn't take it anymore. He just had to say her name. I was too furious to respond, and definitely too furious to feel guilty. I focused every cell in my body on pushing my legs faster and faster, and praying that the speed could erase it all. My past. My present. My future. I didn't want it, any of it. Bella was my past. She was my present. And she would have been my future. Would have been… because that was no longer a possibility.

_Jake, how could you hurt Bella like that? I was there the night Cullen left, remember? And you're going to put her through that shit again? That's fucking low, Jake. Even for you. I can't even imagine putting Emily in pain that way._

I felt him shudder at the thought, and I couldn't help but snort at how hypocritical he sounded.

_Emily? What about Leah, Sam? You fucking destroyed her when you imprinted on Emily. Trust me, whatever pain I cause Bella could never compare to what you did to Leah._

That did it. I know if he could have, if he were near me, he would have ripped me into shreds at that very moment. And if I weren't so fucking fed up with everything, I might have given a damn that I really hurt him. Yea, he was only trying to help. It's too fucking bad no one can help me now.

_I wouldn't be so sure, Jake._

He spat the words at me with a hatred I never imagined possible.

_Trust me, Sam, you can't help me anymore. _

_That's not what I meant._

_Then what the fuck did you mean?_

_Bella. You must have hurt her pretty damn badly. She just hung up on Charlie when he told her. She's not answering him back, either. Jake, she's pretty messed up right now. What if she does something crazy? Are you ever going to be able to forgive yourself?_

That was too much for me. I had to get away. I couldn't handle one more second of his sickening accusations. Sickening. Because every single one of them was right. I was a coward. I was a traitor. And I sure as hell deserved every bit of torture I was going through. I was done with this. Everything. I phased back into my human form before Sam had a chance to say anything else. I stood there in the middle of the forest shaking as I retrieved the small bag I had tied on my leg, with no idea where I was, and not caring one bit. I didn't care about much in this world, and what little I did care about was either ripped away from me, or I had abandoned it.

I was still shaking when my knees buckled from under me and I fell uselessly to the ground. I was still shaking when my mind was too weak to shield me from the pain anymore, and the full intensity of the situation hit me. I was still shaking when the tears started to pour down my face, and each sob shook my body violently. And I was still shaking when my phone rang inside my bag. I should have ignored it. I should have smashed it against a rock. That's what I had every intention of doing. But when I picked it up in my hands, my fingers moved of their own accord. I answered it, and nothing could have prepared me for what was waiting on the line.

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	4. Chapter 4

**Insomnia + Boredom = 2 chapters in one night[:  
Oh well, the last chapter was very short anyways.  
Hope you enjoy! **

Blankness. All I saw was blankness, and I couldn't figure out why. I had been checking up on her for months now, and I always saw _something_. But now… I just didn't understand.

It was at that very moment that it hit me. I suddenly saw it, all of it. Bella in the car. Bella on the phone. Bella driving faster, changing direction. Walking to the edge of the cliff. Taking that last step that would end her life. I saw it all with a clarity I had never before experienced. She wasn't just contemplating this. She had made up her mind, and judging by the time on the car's clock, there was nothing I could do. It would be happening soon, too soon for me to save her.

My knees went week. _Bella. _My friend. How could she? Because of Edward? Because of us? She was going to die, and it would all be my fault. Because I didn't stop Edward from leaving. Because I didn't see the vision soon enough to prevent it from coming true. None of this should be happening, it couldn't be happening. Bella would never do such a thing. My vision was wrong. It HAD to have been wrong. But the more I thought about the vision and the more I remembered how clearly I had seen it happening, the more I realized that the vision wasn't wrong, I was. And I wondered what in the world could have triggered her to react like this.

This was one of those moments when I wished I could cry, because no matter how many tearless sobs I let out, I couldn't seem to shake the guilt. The loss. Because even though I'd said goodbye to her months ago, it wasn't supposed to end like this. We left so it wouldn't end like this, so she would be okay. She was my friend. The only human I've ever really cared about, and because of me she's dead.

As much as I would miss Bella, and as much as that vision scared me to death and broke my heart, my pain wasn't for me. It was for Edward. And I wished with everything in me that I could lie to him forever and pretend like everything was fine, but he could read me. He could read us all. And surely, while I was grieving over my vision, I failed to hear him walk into the room. I failed to recognize when he read my thoughts, and saw the exact vision I had just seen moments before. But I didn't fail to see the look on his face, the one that broke my heart just as much as the vision had. And I certainly didn't fail to see when his future changed. When our future changed.

Flashes of the future pulled me out of my despair. Edward. Italy. Volturi. Exposure. I saw his every move clearly mapped out.

"EDWARD, YOU CAN'T!" I sobbed helplessly on the floor while he looked at me with eyes that told me I had no chance of stopping him. "Please, Edward," I begged. "You can't do this to us. I lost a sister today. Am I going to lose a brother, too? Please." I continued to shake miserably on the ground, thinking of a way to make this work, to make this better. And it came. If it wasn't too late… If Bella was still alive, then there might be a possibility. I could understand very easily now why Bella's future had been so hazy before. That was when her future wasn't decided… when there was a possibility of _others_ being a part of her future. Others I couldn't see. Others who could save her, who could get there in time. But by the time I opened my eyes to tell Edward that there was hope, that there was still a chance, he was long gone. But I wasn't about to give up. I had a call to make.

* * *

I was shocked by the desperation of the high-pitched voice on the line. I would have hung up and thought it was a wrong number if she hadn't yelled my name.

"Jacob Black, please, you have to do something! I saw her and I saw what she's going to do and you can't let it happen you have to stop her please I need you to make her stop—"

"Who the fuck are you? And what the fuck are you talking about?" I stated bitterly to the hysterical girl.

"Listen to me, Jacob, it's Alice Cullen and I need your help Jake! This is serious, you have to stop her before she hurts herself—"

"Excuse me? _CULLEN_? What the fuck do you filthy bloodsuckers think you're doing? Stay the fuck away from Bella, do you hear me? If you're even thinking about coming back, I'll rip you all apart. I won't ever let you guys put her in danger again, do you understand me?" I shouted. I was furious. Livid. Enraged. Fuming. What kind of nerve did this bitch have to call me after everything that happened with her bloodsucker family and Bella?

"Jacob, can you PLEASE listen? I saw Bella, I saw her in her car when she got a phone call that you had disappeared. I saw her drive to the cliff. Jacob, I saw her jump!" she sobbed relentlessly and it took me a moment to understand the meaning of her words.

"What the fuck do you mean when you say you SAW her?" I was terrified now. She knew something about Bella. Something that had her this worked up about it, this hysterical. The leech ignored my question and kept sobbing into the phone. "CULLEN! WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU SEE?"

"I saw the future! I saw her jump. I saw her kill herself, Jacob! You have to save her!"

"I don't believe you," I whispered weakly. But I knew it must be true. She wouldn't lie about this, not about Bella. Edward had destroyed her, but Bella had trusted Alice more than anything.

"Please, please, please, please, please," she begged. It was painful to listen to. I had never seen such emotion coming from a bloodsucker. "Not for me. Not for any of us. For Bella. You love her just as much as I do. You can't let her do this to herself."

I started shaking again. The tremors wracked through my body uncontrollably and I gritted my teeth, trying to fight them off. Bella was in trouble. She needed me. She was standing on a cliff ready to jump because of me. It made me sick.

"Alice," I tried to force myself to calm down enough to thin clearly. "How much time do I have?" The possibility that I wouldn't make it in time was too much to think about. What kind of a sick monster was I? I was supposed to be her sun, and in a matter of minutes I'd become the storm. "ALICE!"

"You only have minutes, Jake, you have to hurry." She had begun to calm down by now. "But Jacob, Edward saw what I saw, he's going to the Volturi—"

I didn't bother to keep listening. I clicked the phone shut and phased. I would save her. I knew that I could never be her sun again, I would never be able to drive the night away, but maybe, just maybe, I could be a moon in that darkness.

**  
Suggestions, anyone?  
Reviews, comments, criticism?**

**Thank you to everyone that read it[: **


	5. Chapter 5

**Sorry about the strange, varying chapter lengths.  
I hope you like this one. It's quite a bit longer, and took me a while to write.  
I definitely had fun writing it though, so I hope you all like it[: **

**Jacob's POV**

Faster. Faster. Faster. Faster.

That was the only thought going through my mind as my legs pushed noisily on the forest ground. The rhythmic beating of my legs pounding on the floor helped keep me focused on the situation. Bella. _My_ Bella. Trying to hurt herself._ Kill_ herself. Because I left. My fault. All of it. _All_ my fault. I couldn't even form complete sentences at this point. Her name became a mantra that I repeated ceaselessly, as if it were keeping me alive. _Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella, Bella. _

I was almost there. I was going to make it. I had to make it. It would all be fine. It didn't matter that I was a werewolf, or that Bella would never love me, or that I would always live in that bloodsucker's shadow, because she would be alive. When I could finally see the cliff, what I saw made my breath catch in my throat.

My Bella was there. She was alive, and I allowed myself one whole entire second of happiness and relief before I started thinking again, before I saw the look on her face that shattered my heart. I had to phase. I had to talk to her. After everything I had caused her, after all of the sorrow and anguish I had affixed to her already overwhelming agony, it was the least I could do to keep her alive, to tell her it would be okay, to wipe the tears away. But before I could do anything, I saw her jump.

If it weren't for my enhanced hearing in this wolf form, her final words would have doubtlessly evaded me. But I heard her as clearly as if I had been by her side. The notion that it had been _my _name, and not _his_, that my Bella had whispered as she prepared herself for death was one that stunned and amazed me to no end. It was not, however, enough to render me immobile as my Bella fell into the rampant waters below. A final howl escaped me as I phased at record speed and dived in after her.

* * *

**Bella's POV**

Cold. Ice cold. Painful. _Terribly_ painful. Daggers piercing every inch of my skin. No better than what I deserved. I prayed it would be quick. My skin became numb in a matter of seconds, and though this reduced the pain, it did not erase the bitter cold that permeated through every part of my body, right to my heart. The rough currents pulled me under, and I didn't even bother to fight them. Yes, it would be quick. My consciousness began to slip, and I felt myself becoming weaker and weaker by the second. My lungs were on fire as they searched for oxygen that wouldn't come, but even they were cold. It would all be over soon. It amazed me how quickly the end had come. Yes, death was certainly easier than life…

In that second, I was surrounded by the most excruciating burn imaginable. Fire. _Delicious_ fire. The flames engulfed me and I felt the heat infuse into my very bones. The heat was incredible, and dizziness began to overwhelm me. Was this heaven? Was it really that quick? No, not heaven. Surely I was in Hell. But I welcomed the flames with open arms as unconsciousness overcame me. _Hell_, I assured myself, _could not be any worse than life._ Everything around me faded to black as I sank into the fire.

* * *

"Bella? BELLA! Bella, honey, please wake up, please, you can't just die on me like this, you can't, please, Bells. Bella, come on, open your eyes. Bella, this is all my fucking fault, honey, please wake up. BELLA!"

I was brought back into consciousness with one painful gasp for oxygen as I coughed up the remaining water in my lungs. Jacob's words were barely intelligible through the sobs. Even in the state I was in, it killed me to hear him in such pain, such terrible anguish, because of me. He continued to yell incomprehensibly as his large arms wrapped roughly around my still trembling form. The heat coming from his body caught me entirely off guard. So this was the fire. Not Heaven. Not Hell. _Jacob. _He truly was my sun…

"Bella, thank god, honey, you're okay, you're alive. Do you have any idea how terrified I was when I saw you jump off the cliff?! How could you do that Bella? Why? Because of me?!" As he shouted, I opened my eyes for the first time so I could see his face clearly. His eyes were red and swollen, and his lips were quivering in a way that I knew wasn't from the cold. The thing that shocked me most, though, was his hair. My Jacob's long, beautiful hair was gone, all of it chopped off haphazardly. I couldn't believe it. But despite all of this, he was as beautiful as ever. It killed me to see him hurting. He looked me in the eyes, and all of the love and worry I saw there was too much for me. I broke down into tears, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him closer to me. Jacob reacted instantly to my tears.

"No, Bella, please don't cry, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have yelled, honey, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he pleaded. With each 'I'm sorry', he kissed my forehead, cheeks, and the tip of my nose, as if trying to assure himself that I was really there, that I was indeed alive.

"Jacob, this is all my fault, don't blame yourself for any of this. I'm such a stupid, selfish person. I'm sorry, I really am. I hurt you, just like I hurt everyone around me," I apologized, still in tears. We finally let go of each other and sat side by side on the ground. Jake grabbed my small hand in his before speaking again. His hand felt unnaturally warm compared to mine.

"This is not your fault, Bella. I'm just happy you're alive. Do you hear me? You have nothing to be sorry about. I'm the one who left, without so much as a goodbye. If anyone is to blame it's me." His expression was covered in guilt that had no reason to be there, that didn't belong on Jacob's face. It belonged on mine.

"No, you had every right to leave. I don't blame you at all for wanting to get as far away from me as possible. You've been there for me for so long, Jake, and I've been nothing but a bitch to you. How can I blame you for finally getting sick of waiting for me to come around?" Jake looked at me incredulously.

"Bella, is that what you think?! That I left because—"

"Jake, please, let me finish," I interrupted. He nodded silently, letting me continue. "Today, when I found out that you had run away, I knew it was my fault. I couldn't bear the fact that you left without me getting a chance to tell you how I really feel, Jake. I was an idiot, I should have told you sooner, but I was afraid. I didn't know how to deal with those emotions, how to tell you the truth, how to let you know how I feel about you." There was a long pause as he took in the meaning of my words.

"How do you feel about me, Bells?" he asked. He looked at me strangely, cautiously, as if he didn't really want to know the answer to his question. I released my hand from his grasp and grabbed his face in between both of my hands, pulling him closer to me. I felt him wipe away the tears that were threatening to fall from my eyes and I was no longer afraid of telling him how I felt. I took in a deep breath, and finally let it all out.

"Jake… I'm in love with you, and you knew it all along but I kept lying to myself, telling myself it wasn't true. Because I was terrified of getting attached again, terrified of getting hurt. I didn't think I would ever be able to feel this way about anyone else but you proved to me that it was possible. That's how I feel when I'm with you, like anything is possible when you're around, Jake. I love you."

Jacob let out the breath he had been holding and stared at me blankly, opening and closing his mouth several times, trying to decide what to say. But I didn't want words. In fact, I was quite sick of them. I wanted something else. By this point, we were so close that our noses were nearly touching.

"Bella—"

I interrupted him once again, but not with words this time. Instead, it was my lips that shut him up immediately when I closed what little space was left in between us and kissed him with all the passion and desire I had been holding back for ages. His reaction, however, was far from what I had anticipated.

Jacob pulled away roughly, turning his head to the side with a pained expression in his eyes. He pulled my hands off of his face and refused to look me in the eyes. I sat there in shock, and feeling like someone had just punched me in the gut, tears welling up in my eyes once again. After months of hiding how I truly feel about him, I had finally gotten the courage to tell him the truth, only to be blatantly rejected by the one person I thought I could trust.

"Bella, let's get in the truck and go back to my place. We're going to get sick if we don't get out of these wet clothes soon." His voice had a cold, bitter edge to it that I couldn't stand. He still had his faced turned away from me, and I was beyond furious at this point. This wasn't my Jake.

"What the hell, Jake? " I tried to keep a steady voice, but it was evident that I was near tears. As soon as he heard me speak, his head shot up and he looked me in the eyes. His face crumpled in pain when he saw me. "I just _kissed_ you, and you pushed me away as if I had some infectious disease or something!" Jake cringed.

"Bella, please… We can talk about this back at my house."

"No, Jake! We can talk right here! If you didn't care about me, you should have just let me drown!" I spat the words at him harshly but his expression didn't change. He just gave me the same detached stare as before.

"You're being ridiculous, Bella. You know I care about you. I could never sit back and watch you get hurt."

"Then why won't you tell me you love me, huh, Jake? Was it all a lie? Did you _ever _love me? Or was it all some sick, twisted method of trying to help me get over _him_? I'm pouring my heart out to you, Jake, and you're breaking it!"

Jake turned his head as if he had been slapped, with a wounded expression on his face, marring his beautiful features. The look on his face almost made me feel guilty for saying that to him, but I wasn't about to forgive him. He looked straight down at the ground when he spoke again.

"Bella… There's some stuff I need to talk to you about, okay? When we get to my house, I'll explain everything, I promise. Then… then you can decide if you still feel the same way about me." His tone was emotionless and distant. I couldn't take it anymore. I wanted my Jacob back. I would forgive him, I would do anything to get my Jacob back.

"Jake, nothing you say is going to change my mind! Are you listening to me? I love you, Jake, no matter what!" I tried to grab his chin and make him look at me but he refused to budge.

"I wouldn't be so sure, Bella." He got up and began walking towards the truck, motioning for me to follow him. I couldn't believe him. There was no way I was forgiving him now. Did he really have that little faith in me? Did he think he could say something that would make me stop loving him? What kind of a person did he think I was?

"Bella, get in the truck." He was irritated now, but I didn't really give a damn. "Get in the fucking truck, Bella!" I ignored him. Instead, I began sobbing even harder. I felt so betrayed by Jacob. When a person tells you they love you, especially one you supposedly love back, you don't push them away like they mean nothing to you. And the more I thought about how hurt I was, the more the tears kept flowing down my cheeks. Jacob obviously didn't love me. I waited too long. He had already moved on.

When Jacob saw that I was still on the ground, he walked back over to me. With the look he gave me, I could have sworn he was going to drag me across the floor by my hair. But instead, he leaned down and gently picked me up in his arms. As much as I hated him at that moment, I needed him. I clung to his neck with both of my arms and cried into his shoulders like I used to. As he lay me down in the passenger seat, he kissed the top of my head like he used to. But nothing was like it used to be, because this time, I wasn't crying over _him_. I was crying about my selfishness. I was crying about not being able to tell Jake how I felt sooner. I was crying about being rejected. But most of all, I was crying over a twice-broken heart, and because this time, I didn't have anyone left to be my sun.

* * *

**Thanks for reading[:  
I know I keep ending on these mega-depressing notes, but hopefully everything will get explained in the next chapter.  
I must say, I'm disappointed with the lack of reviews /: I may have to pull a 'Midnight Sun' and put it on hold indefinitely.  
It only takes a few seconds to review, you guys. I really don't see the point in continuing if people aren't liking it.  
Let me know if I should continue. **


	6. Chapter 6

**Most of you probably noticed that I changed the name of my story. The title I had originally was created when I thought the story was just going to be a one-shot, and it doesn't relate to most of the story besides chapter one -.- So I've been thinking of changing it for a while but I never got around to it until tonight lol. This new title is much more appropriate. Anyways, I hope you enjoy! All JPOV[:**

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My hands gripped the steering wheel a little too tightly as I tried to ignore the sounds of the crying girl in the passenger seat. Every other time I had seen my Bella like this, sobbing and broken, shaking and scared, I had known what my emotions were, I had known exactly what to feel. Anger. Loathing. Pure hatred for the bastard that had left her like this. But when I was the reason for her tears, I couldn't blame the bloodsucker anymore. This time, it was all my fucking fault.

I tried to direct my thoughts at the fact that she was alive and safe, that I could breathe freely now, knowing that I had saved her life. That should have been enough to satisfy me. I should have had the strength to save her and walk away like I was supposed to. She would never have to know the truth, and I could have forced myself to leave and never turn back. I would have done it. I would have kept her safe and ignorant about my kind, about what I truly was. She wouldn't have had to be in danger. But when she looked me in the eyes and told me she was in love with me, I knew it was over. I knew I would choose the selfish route. I knew I would tell her everything and let her choose her path. Because when my Bella kissed me, more fiercely and passionately than in even my wildest dreams, I knew I could never leave her. I could only secretly hope that she would have the common sense to leave me when I told her the truth. And even more secretly, I could hope she would have no common sense at all.

But I knew I wouldn't be so lucky. No one, not even Bella, would be stupid enough to love me once they knew what I was. It would be better this way. I wouldn't have to lie to her. She would know the truth, and choose to leave. She would choose a peaceful, normal life, and I could never blame her for that. I would never have to wonder about what could have been. I took my eyes off of the road for only a moment to look at Bella when I heard her tears begin to subside. I regretted it instantly as I took in the sight of her trembling figure, hugging her legs tightly to her chest. My hand instinctively went to hers, trying to comfort her, but she recoiled from my touch and moved her hand away, still refusing to meet my eyes. I ignored the pain as my heart clenched and merely gripped the steering wheel more tightly and drove even faster towards my house.

When we arrived, I parked out front and Bella started to get out of the car. I grabbed her arm to prevent her from getting out, and told her to wait in the car while I made sure Billy wasn't home. She didn't respond, but she slumped back down in her seat and shut the car door silently. Once I had checked the house to make sure Billy wasn't there, I made my way back to the car, only to find her in the same position I had left her in. I sighed, and opened her door for her so she could step out of the car. As she did, she looked at me for the first time since we had gotten in the car, and the pain of rejection I saw in them was enough to break my heart. I had to make her understand that I wasn't rejecting her, that I loved her more than she would ever be able to comprehend. But before I did any of that, I had to get her clean and dry. We walked to my house in silence, and the silence continued as I motioned for her to wait while I stepped into my room and searched for some clean clothes she could wear. I decided she would have to make do with one of my large t-shirts and a pair of boxers. I was too hurt to be embarrassed by what she would be wearing as she snatched the clothes roughly out of my hands and walked to my bathroom to take a shower without a word.

While she showered, I sat down on my couch and thought. I thought about her jumping off the cliff. I thought about me saving her life. I thought about her confessing that she loved me and kissing me. My mind lingered on that last memory as I tried to recall the feel of her smooth lips against mine as her body pressed into me in all the right places. It wasn't right to want her as much as I did, when I knew that I would soon be saying goodbye. I knew I was just making it that much harder on myself, but try as I might, I couldn't seem to get that particular memory out of my head. It was the closest I would ever come to having her be mine. But then again, she would always be my Bells. Even after she left me and learned to move on. Even when she found someone else who made her happy, someone to be her new sun. Even when I was a distant memory in her long and wonderful life, she would always be my Bells, and nothing could ever change that.

A sound coming from my bedroom jolted me back into reality, into the present. I realized that quite a long amount of time had passed since Bella had gone to take a shower, and decided to check up on her. When I knocked on the door to my room, I didn't get an answer. I called her name but still received no response. I was growing more worried by the second as my mind ran through all the possible scenarios of what could happen to someone in the shower, what someone could do to themselves in the shower. That was too much for me, and I quickly twisted the knob and pushed the door open, convinced that I would be greeted by Bella's lifeless corpse strewn across my bedroom floor.

Instead, I was met with one of the most beautiful sights I had seen in a long time. Bella had fallen asleep on my bed, and in this state, every ounce of resentment, bitterness, and pain had melted away from her gorgeous features. She looked like the Bella I knew before bloodsuckers and werewolves, before pain and heartbreak, when she was just the pretty girl that had flirted with me at the beach that night. Oh, but she had always been more to me than that. Even then, I could feel a connection to her, one that drew me to her side like a magnetic pull even now. I sat down carefully on the bed by her side, making sure not to disturb her. As if she could sense my presence, her expression began to change into a small frown, and she started whispering in her sleep.

"Why?" she whispered, over and over again. "No, don't go! Not again, not again, not again. Don't leave me! Please, my Jacob." Her head thrashed violently from side to side as she pleaded with me in her dreams. I couldn't bear to watch it anymore, and I raised a hand gently to her face in an attempt to calm her.

"I'm here, Bells, I'm here. Always," I whispered as I kissed her forehead, promising that I would be there for as long as she needed me. Her eyes flickered open suddenly, and she gasped when she saw me hovering over her.

"Get away from me!" she ordered angrily, and I flinched at the sharpness of her words.

"Bella, please, relax. We have to talk," I begged in a low, calm voice. She ignored me and tried to slide out of the bed, tripping in the process. I caught her before she could fall and hurt herself, but she immediately pushed herself off of me and headed for the door.

"We have nothing to talk about, Jake," she whispered bitterly. "I get it, okay, I understand. You're over me. I waited too long and you've moved on. I don't blame you for it, I swear. I don't hate you, Jake, and I'm not mad. It's not your fault. I just want to go home." Her voice broke on the last word and I didn't miss the tears that slid down her cheeks as she stepped out of my bedroom and made her way to the front door. I stood there dumbstruck for a moment, unable to believe that the girl before me believed I was over her, that I had moved on. As if that were a possibility. I ran after her and managed to reach the front door before she did, successfully blocking the exit so she couldn't leave. She groaned in frustration and tried to wipe away the tears before I could see them, but I grabbed her brusquely by the waist with one arm and forced her to look at me by grabbing her chin with the other. I didn't fail to notice how close our bodies were, and I was sure she felt it, too. She looked up at me with confusion and pain clearly evident in her eyes. I wanted to do nothing but take it away, all of it.

"Bella, I need you to listen to me," I told her sternly. My voice was hoarse when I managed to speak again. "Honey, you of all people have to know how I feel about you! I will never stop loving you, Bella, never. You have to understand that. And when you told me you actually loved me back, that you want me, too, well, that's what I've been dreaming about for months now! And when you _kissed_ me," I nearly moaned just at the thought of it, and my arm subconsciously tightened its grip on her waist, pulling her body as close to mine as possible so that I could feel all of her. She gasped, and the confusion in her eyes started to disappear, replaced instead with a lust deeper than I had ever seen, and which I'm sure was present in my own eyes as well. "Bella, I've never loved you as much as I do know, knowing that you love me back, but… before I can let myself believe that you truly love me, and before I can truly let go and show you my heart, I need you to know what I really am." I spoke those last words harshly and bitterly, and I knew she had noticed when the confusion appeared in her eyes once more.

"Bella, all I ask is that you hear me out, okay? I just need you to know the truth. When I'm done, when I've told you the whole story… I'll understand if you don't love me anymore, if you _can't _love me anymore. I promise, I'll understand, I'll let you go. If it's what you really want, I won't even think twice about it, I'll let you go," I promised earnestly. She stared at me blankly, trying to make sense of everything I was saying. I relaxed my grip on her and lowered both of my arms to my sides before making my final request. My voice was shaky and unsteady as I spoke, unable to look at her this time.

"Bells… I want you to promise me something. I need you to not be afraid of me, Bella. You can hate me, you can be disgusted with me, you can run away and never come back. But please, don't be afraid of me. No matter what I'm about to tell you, I need you to understand that I would never hurt you. Ever. Can you believe that?" I looked up to see Bella staring at me curiously, while slowly reaching one hand to my bare chest, finally placing it directly above my heart.

"Jake, why would you even ask such a thing? How could you ever think—" she began speaking rapidly but I cut her off.

"Bella. I need you to promise," I begged, trying to convey with my eyes the truth of my words. Nothing would ever make me hurt her. Wolf or no wolf, this girl was my life. I would never harm her in any way.

"I promise," she whispered softly.

I smiled sadly at her and led her towards the couch, silently praying that she would keep her promise as I prepared to tell her the story that I knew would likely separate us forever.

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**I hope you liked it[: REVIEW! They make my day.**


	7. Chapter 7

**This chapter took was particularly difficult to write /:**

**I think it's some well needed fluff[: Warning: small LIME ahead. Hope you enjoy!**

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He told me everything, all of it, and I could do nothing but stare open-mouthed as he shared with me all of his innermost secrets, and spilled his heart out with a reserve that told me he was expecting me to crush it at any moment.

He told me about the Quileute legends. About the spirit wolves and the cold ones. About the transformation. About his duty to the pack. He told me about the strength and the power, the anger and the resentment. He held my hand and looked me in the eyes as he told me all of this, and the pain I saw in his eyes was undeniable. Every bit of bitterness and sorrow I had felt towards this boy over the past hour was instantly washed away as my head was left spinning by his stories. Stories, but not fictional in the slightest. Truth, honesty, and sincerity rang out clearly in every syllable he spoke. I was sure I couldn't take much more of it when he finally stopped speaking and sighed deeply. And I knew at that moment that it wasn't a boy that stood before me anymore. It was a man. One with obligations and responsibilities I would never fully understand, bestowed upon him way before he should have to bear them. I understood immediately that the innocent, naïve Jake I had known before was long gone.

My heart ached for him as he eyed me questioningly, waiting for the moment in which I would run away, or slap him, or break down into tears. But the moment never came. The more I stared into the eyes of the man before me, the more I realized that his stories were pointless. Inconsequential. Insignificant. Unimportant. The man before me was no monster. He was a protector, a guardian of his people. I kept my promise wholeheartedly. Looking into Jacob's eyes, I knew I had nothing to fear. There was nothing but love and worry for me in them.

I needed Jacob, too much for my own good. In the dark recesses of my mind, I was aware that I was far too dependent on this man, and that it wasn't smart to get so close to someone again. Not after what had happened the first time. But my mind had no power over my heart, and my heart was telling me that life was too short, too precious, to be spent living guardedly and warily. I needed to love him, and I needed him to love me back. Not a careful, cautious sort of love. I needed, for once in my life, to be careless. Wild. Irresponsible. I needed to love him with reckless abandon, without regard for the fact that he was a werewolf, without a second thought at the possibility that it might not work out between us. I was sick of constantly worrying about the future. I wanted to live in the present. I wanted to live in the present with Jake by my side. My protector. My guardian. My Jacob. I looked up at Jacob once again, who was still eyeing me with a worried expression. He reached his hand slowly up to my face, half expecting me to cringe and shy away. But I welcomed the warmth of his hand enthusiastically, and I closed my eyes as he caressed my cheek tenderly with his thumb.

"Bells, please say something. Anything, honey, but let me know what you're thinking. I can't stand it, trying to decipher your expression. I need you to say something already. I can handle it if you say you don't want to see me anymore. That's okay, don't worry about my feelings. This is about you. I need to know where you stand," he implored softly, his eyes still boring into my own. As much as he wanted me to disregard his feelings, I couldn't. But the passion I saw in him only made my own passion burn stronger.

"Jacob, I need you to make me a promise." He looked at me quizzically but nodded enthusiastically all the same.

"Anything, Bella. But I already told you I would stay away from you if that's what you wanted. Don't you believe me?" His voice betrayed the hurt he was feeling at the thought that I didn't believe him capable of staying away from me if I asked him to. I knew that I needed to tell him how I felt quickly before he could continue to torture himself by entertaining such ridiculous notions in his head. As if I could ever ask him to stay away from me. In fact, I wanted just the opposite. I shook my head roughly and moved to sit closer to him before I spoke again.

"That's not what I want, Jake," I said, a little out of breath at the feel of him so warm next to me. "Promise me you'll stop being so self-loathing. Promise me you'll see yourself for who you truly are. Promise me you won't ever doubt my love for you again. I want you, now more than ever. I need you, Jake, no matter what your body becomes when you're protecting your people and your pack. Because as much as I love your body, and trust me, I do, it's your heart I want the most. But this time, I can give you mine in return. Whatever is left of it, it's yours. Promise me you'll never leave me and it's yours."

Jake sat there in silence for a moment, obviously startled by my outburst. He stared for what seemed like an eternity with a blank look on his face, giving nothing away about his emotions at the moment. For a person who wore his emotions on his sleeve, he was extremely difficult to read. I was becoming increasingly worried as he still didn't respond, and regretted being so honest with him. A familiar pain started to creep into my chest and I braced myself for the heartache that was sure to come. I tried to slide farther away from him on the couch, but his arm grabbed my wrist forcefully. And this time, when I looked up at his eyes, what I saw made everything worthwhile. Jake's radiant smile seemed to light up the entire house, and his eyes glittered with joy and happiness. He was positively glowing as he pulled me roughly onto his lap. I hadn't realized how much I had missed his smile. No amount of legends or transformations could take away the effect it had on me. I was sure that I must have had the same glowing, silly look on my face, and I knew that I would do anything to make sure that Jacob never stopped smiling.

"That was more than one promise, you know," he teased, still grinning like an idiot. I slapped him playfully and groaned. He merely laughed and hugged me tightly to his chest. "Oh, cm'on Bells, you know I'm just playing with you. I love you, and I intend to keep every single one of those promises. I will _never_ leave you, Bells. For as long as you want me, I'm here." He pressed his lips to my forehead and sighed contentedly.

"Forever, then," I assured him. I would never get sick of this man. His touch, his hugs, his smile… all threatening to drive me crazy if I were to be deprived of them for too long.

"Forever, Bella. Until my heart stops beating."

I looked up at him, tears brimming in my eyes, and wondered how I could have waited so long to tell him how I felt. He saw the tears threatening to spill onto my cheeks, and put his mouth to my ear, whispering that it would all be okay and that there was no reason to cry as he wiped the tears away delicately. His mouth lingered on my ear and I felt his hot breath on me. His lips tickled my earlobe and trailed down to my chin, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. He was teasing me, slowly but surely, and I knew two could play that game. Jake slid his hands to my waist, gripping me tightly and positioning me so that I was now straddling his lap. I was suddenly hyper-aware of the way his bare chest felt underneath my fingertips, and how his lips had begun to assault my neck, eliciting a moan from me. His body tensed at the sound, and I knew it was my turn to take control.

I pushed Jake down roughly on the couch so he was lying on his back, and leaned over him. He was powerless under my touch as I pressed my lips to his neck and worked my way down to his chest and abs. When my tongue swept across the area right above the waistband of his jeans, it was his turn to moan. The sound was intoxicating, and I wanted nothing more than to hear it again, every minute of every day until the day I died. But Jake had other plans. Before I could think clearly enough to repeat the action, he pulled my body up towards his. Jake's hands wound their way into my hair as he crashed my lips onto his with a sense of urgency and passion I had never before experienced. No more careful, cautious, ice cold kisses. Jake's kisses were like fire on my lips, and fire had never felt so good. My hands massaged his chest relentlessly before finding their way into his hair and tugging on it roughly, just as his hands slid down to my shoulders, dangerously close to my chest.

Jacob slowly slipped his hands to my breasts, and grasped them roughly in between his fingers, all the while still devouring my lips with his. I was losing more and more control every second, and it felt amazing to be so reckless and free with the one I loved. I took Jake's lower lip in between my teeth and bit down lightly, earning a low growling sound from him. He involuntarily jerked his hips upward, allowing me to feel all of his arousal. I gasped at the contact, and answered with a thrust of my own. I knew I should stop. I knew we were moving too fast. But where Jake was concerned, I had no self-control. I wanted him just as badly as he wanted me.

It was at that moment that Jake and I were ripped out of our fantasies as reality took over once again. The sound of a door slamming shut and someone making their way into the house was clearly audible, even over all of our labored breathing. We looked at each other, panicked, as we realized what was going on. Billy was home.

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	8. Chapter 8

**I know I was supposed to update on Friday, but unfortunately life got in the way /:**

**Anyways, I'm not a huge fan of this chapter but I figured I would let you guys be the judges[:**

**Hope you enjoy, and remember to review!**

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Bella. Me. Bella on top of me.

It was perfect. Everything I had been waiting for since the moment I first laid eyes on her. But better. _So_ much better. Impossibly better, and more incredible than I ever imagined it could possibly be. Breathless. Where did all the oxygen go? But as much as I needed oxygen, I needed Bella more. So much more. She was driving me crazy. Absolutely insane. Her hands, they were everywhere. My face, my hair, my chest. My hands on her chest, my lips on her lips. Amazing. Only Bella could make me feel this way. Only she could make me lose control like this, render me incapable of coherent thought. She was perfect. We were perfect. Completely and utterly perfect.

Until Billy got home.

She heard it at the same time I did, the unmistakable sound of a door being shut and my father slowly wheeling himself into the house. Panic. I pushed her off of me hastily, trying not to focus on how tempting her lips looked when they were swollen like that, or on the fact that it was my hands that made her hair so damn messy. Did she have to be so sexy all the time? Yes. Yes she did. And I would never, ever complain. We were both panting heavily, trying to catch our breath and make sure we looked presentable when Billy walked in. My head was still spinning from our kiss, and I braced myself to face my father. I had a lot of explaining to do, running away from home without any explanations. I started to feel guilty about everything I must have put him through. I owed him an apology.

My guilt only multiplied significantly when made his way into the room, and the look on his face was enough to break me. He looked down at the floor, with a grimness and solemnity in his eyes I had never seen there before. He hadn't seen us sitting on the couch yet. I took a deep breath, and stood up to greet him.

"Dad," I called out to him weakly, still feeling the full guilt of what I had put everyone through when I ran away like a coward. My dad looked up suddenly, finally realizing that he wasn't alone in the room. He remained silent, a look of pure shock crossing his features.

"Jake! You're home!" His face lit up in a smile that seemed to light up the entire room, and I couldn't help but smile back. I quickly walked over to him and bent down to give him an awkward hug. He was too shocked to react.

"Of course I'm home! Where else would I be, Dad?" I laughed and patted him on the back. He grinned, and then looked behind me to where Bella was standing sheepishly, staring at the floor.

"Bella Swan…" The smile left his face when he spoke to Bella, replaced instead by a severe frown. He spoke calmly, in a sad, solemn tone. "Your father has been worried sick about you, you know. He's been panicking all day since you stopped answering his phone calls. You should get home, Bella… I'll call Charlie and let him know you're all right. The poor guy has been going crazy…" Bella nodded silently, and made her way towards the front door.

"Bells, wait! I'll drive you home. I mean, if you want me to," I said rather hastily. I wasn't ready to say goodbye to her just yet. She nodded once again, this time flashing me one of her beautiful smiles. "Wait outside by the car, I'll be there in a minute." Bella left the room quietly, and I was left alone with my dad. I ran my hands through my hair awkwardly and took a deep breath before speaking.

"Dad… I'm sorry," I nearly whispered, looking into his eyes. "I don't know what I was thinking, it was all just so confusing, you know, and I just… ran. I didn't know where to go."

"Where to go? What about _home,_ Jake? Did that thought cross your mind at all?" Though the words were harsh, it wasn't an accusation. He was hurt that I had left so suddenly, and that I didn't go to him when I needed help.

"Of course I thought about coming home! It was all I wanted to do, all I could think about! Home, with you, with the pack, with _Bella_… But when I finally realized what all of this meant, what I really was, I freaked out. I panicked, Dad. I didn't know what this would mean, for Bella and I. I thought she would never be able to accept me once she found out what I was. I ran because I couldn't face the thought of hurting her, not because I didn't want to come home. It killed me to leave. I knew I was being selfish and cowardly and stupid but I was _scared_… I'm sorry." My dad was silent for a while, staring at me with his dark brown eyes. He sighed, and gave me a small smile.

"I missed you, son." I couldn't help but smiling back.

"Missed you, too, Dad." I started to walk out of the room to find Bella, but he called me back. He seemed uncomfortable when he spoke again.

"Jake. Uh… about Bella… Did you, you know, tell her?"

"Yeah, Dad. I told her," I replied, worried that he might get angry.

"And… what did she say?"

"Don't worry, Dad. Bella's tough. She's not afraid of the big bad wolf." I winked and laughed at my dad, running outside before I could be interrogated any further.

I found Bella standing next to her old truck with her back to me, staring off into the distance. She was still wearing my clothes, and she looked as gorgeous as ever. I snuck up quietly behind her, and wrapped my arms around her waist when I was close enough, pulling her close to me. She gasped, and I felt her tense up in my arms. I chuckled and leaned down and whispered in her ear.

"Did I scare you?" I asked, pressing my lips to the space right behind her right ear. She shuddered, and I could tell it wasn't because of the cold. It was an incredible feeling to know that I could have as much of an effect on her as she could have on me. I turned her around quickly and pressed her up against the truck, unable to control myself any more. I needed to kiss her again. She looked up at me with nothing but pure lust in her eyes, and I lost it. My hands wove their way into her long, beautiful hair as I pressed my lips to hers fiercely and aggressively. She kissed me back just as intensely and wrapped her arms tightly around my neck. The passion and lust and _love _I felt for this girl were completely overwhelming. Everything about her made me forget who I was, until she was all I could think about. She took over all of my senses.

_Sight. _Her beauty never failed to take my breath away.

_Smell._ Her scent was absolutely intoxicating.

_Taste._ Her kisses, so addictive.

_Hearing_. Every word and sound from her lips drove me crazy.

_Touch. _Her hands, like fire on my already too-hot skin.

Every thought in my mind turned to her when she was around. I was sure that without her, I would surely die. A beating heart means nothing without someone for it to beat for. My heart beat for her and only her, and I would do everything in my power to make sure that never changed. But suddenly, and way too soon, Bella pulled away from me, and pushed me gently off of her. I groaned playfully, wishing we could forget the world and stay like this forever, but when I saw the look in her eyes I knew something was wrong. She refused to look me in the eyes as she slid around me and made to get inside the car. I grabbed her wrist and pulled her back, beginning to seriously worry. Had I done something wrong?

"What's wrong, Bells?" I asked, trying to hide the worry in my voice.

"Jake, I'm fine." She forced a smile, but I knew her better than that. My mind was already trying to figure what I could possibly have done to make her react so strangely. I was sure that she had been enjoying herself just a moment before when we were kissing, but for the life of me I couldn't figure out what had gone wrong.

"Bells… You're not fine. Something is bothering you." She started to protest and shake her head, but I interrupted. "Are you seriously going to stand there and lie to me, Bells? You know I know you better than that. Are you going to look me in the eyes and lie to my face?"

"Just take me home, Jacob," she answered, wrenching her hand from my grasp.

_Jacob?! _Bella never called me Jacob. I stood there, staring at her in shock while she climbed into the passenger seat of the truck.

"Look, Jacob, if you're not going to get in the car I'm perfectly capable of taking myself home." My eyes shot wide open at that statement and I lifted my eyes to meet her gaze. I was beyond worrying. This was full-fledged panic. Bella had just become mine, and she was already slipping away. I couldn't lose her. I needed to figure out what was wrong. I needed to fix it, like I always did. I couldn't stand the thought of her being angry with me.

"No! Please let me take you home," I pleaded. She didn't respond, but she didn't move to the driver's seat either, so I got in the truck and shut the door. My hands were shaking when I brought them up to the steering wheel, and I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate on driving until I figured out what was wrong with Bella. Whatever it was, it appeared to be my fault.

"Bells… I'm sorry," I whispered, trying to keep my voice steady. She turned to look at me with an incredulous look on her face.

"What?!" she asked. "What the hell are you sorry for, Jacob?" I paused, unsure of how to answer her question.

"For whatever I did to make you mad. I'm sorry, Bells, I swear. Whatever it was, I'm sorry. I'm going crazy trying to figure out what I did wrong." I paused as a new thought occurred to me. The idea was almost too much to handle. I'm sure my voice betrayed the panic I was feeling when I spoke again. "Do you regret this? Us? Is that what this is about? You changed your mind, you don't want me anymore?"

"Are you insane? Of course that's not what this is about! God, Jake, what do I have to do to prove to you that I'm_ yours_, forever, for as long as you want me?"

_She called me Jake. _The second she said those words, my heart felt about a million pounds lighter. She still loved me. She wasn't leaving me. She wanted me. I repeated these things to myself over and over again as I looked up at her in disbelief.

"Really? Then what is it, Bells? Tell me the truth." And just because Bella never fails to surprise me, she chose this moment to _blush_. Of all the reactions I was expecting, blushing was the last one on my list. I grabbed her chin in my hand and forced her to look up at me. "You know you can tell me anything, Bells."

"Jake… It's just… When we were on your couch, before Billy walked in… what would have happened if he hadn't interrupted us when he did?" It took me a moment to process her words, but I finally understood where she was going with this.

"What do you mean? Nothing would have happened, Bells."

"Seriously, Jake? You think nothing would have happened? I don't want you to think that I don't _want _you or anything, but I just feel that things are moving so fast and we just got things figured out between us and I don't want to rush this because I love you and I want to be with you but I'm just not ready for _that_ and I think we need to slow dow—"

"_That_? Is that what you think of me, Bells? That I'm some sort of sex-crazed pervert trying to get in your pants? I would _never _ask you to do something you don't want to do, Bella, don't you trust me?" Her accusation had stung me more than I thought it would. How could she think that of me? Is that the impression I was giving off, that I just wanted to fuck her the first chance I got? Yeah, it stung.

"Jake, you know that's not what I meant! You forcing me to do something I don't want to do isn't the problem! The problem is how much I _do _want you. Too much for my own good, Jake. When I'm with you, I can't think straight, I can't focus on anything but you, what you do to me, how you make me feel. There's no wrong or right when I'm with you. I don't want us to do something we would both regret." Her words nearly set me on fire. I was the one that made her feel that way. _Me_. We were silent for a moment, and I grabbed both of her hands in mine, looking her right in the eyes.

"Bells, don't you know that you mean so much more to me than that? _I love you_, and I want to do this right… Besides, I'm not ready for _that_ either." Bella eyed me warily, and I wished I knew what she was thinking.

"You mean… you've never…" I couldn't help but burst out laughing at Bella's doubts as to whether or not I had ever had sex before.

"Of course not, Bella! What type of a person do you think I am? Who would I have done it with?" I asked. "Nobody in this world has ever meant anything even close to what you mean to me. Since the day I first saw you at La Push, I couldn't get you out of my head. There's never been anyone else, Bells. You're the only one I've ever loved."

I smiled at her, willing her to understand the truth of my words. She smiled back, and I knew she understood. I could see a hint of sadness in her smile, most likely attributed to the fact that she couldn't honestly say the same thing to me. No, I wasn't her only love, or her first love, or her greatest love, but I could live with that. I could live knowing that she wasn't over him, and that I wasn't the only man she thought about at night. As long as she was in my arms, and as long as we loved each other, I could live through all of it with a smile on my face. As long as she was mine, it would all be okay.

I looked her in the eyes on more time and kissed her, softly and tenderly, trying to put all of my love and devotion for this woman into this one, simple action. She didn't pull away this time. This kiss was different from all of the others we had shared. Still passionate. Still incredible. But less urgent, less intense, because Bella and I had all the time in the world. No need to rush, no need to move too fast. She was mine and I was hers, and that would never change.

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**But we all know happiness can't last forever, right? /:**

**Thanks to everyone that read, and especially to all of my reviewers[: You all seriously rock. **

**Remember to review! I would love to get some more feedback on how I could improve the story. The more you review, the more motivation I have to write faster[:**


	9. Chapter 9

**Only one review on the last chapter? /:**

**Anyway, this chapter is relatively short. It's more of a transition than anything else. I didn't spend as much time on this one as I did on the others, but I hope it didn't come out too badly[: **

**Thanks for reading, and please review!**

**Hope you enjoy[: All JPOV.**

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"Jake?"

"Yea, Bells?"

I had been driving for a few minutes now, with one hand on the steering wheel and the other intertwined with hers in between us. She had been humming softly with a serene smile on her face since we had hit the road, but when I took my eyes off the road for a moment to look at her, the smile was gone. Bella was chewing on her lip anxiously, and I could tell she was deep in thought. She looked up at me suddenly, with a nervous smile.

"Never mind. It's nothing," she answered, looking down into her lap. She started humming again, but I wasn't about to let it go.

"I know you too well, Bells, and whatever is bothering you is definitely not nothing." I stopped the car on the side of the road, intent on convincing her to tell me what was on her mind. I needed her to be able to talk to me about anything and everything, to trust me completely. She shouldn't feel awkward or uncomfortable around me, and I was determined to show her that just because our relationship had changed significantly, it didn't mean that she should be any less relaxed or at ease when we were together. I turned to face her, and when she met my eyes this time she had a new look on her face. Pure determination. Resolve. _Purpose_.

"Jake, I want to _see_ you." Bella said the words quickly and firmly, without any hint of doubt in her voice, but her words puzzled me.

"See me? I'm right here, Bells," I said, flashing her a huge smile. She didn't smile back like she normally would have, and I figured I should try to take her a bit more seriously. "Okay, okay. Explain yourself." She took in a deep breath before she spoke again, speaking so hurriedly she was barely intelligible.

"Okay, so before you say no, hear me out. Today has been intense, to say the least, and everything about you and the wolves was a lot to take in but I understand and I get that it's a part of who you are now, I really do. I just feel like I don't know you anymore, Jake, because there's this whole side of you that I've never seen and I want us to be able to share everything because I don't want us to have any secrets from each other, so when I said I wanted to _see _you, I meant that I wanted to see _all_ of you. You've seen me at my worst, at my best, and everywhere in between, Jake, and I want to be able to feel like I know you just as well as you know me, so if I got to see you as a wolf then that wou—"

"As a WOLF?!"

I was infuriated. Irate. Incensed. And every other damn word beginning with the letter 'i' that means _pissed the fuck off._ Bella would _never_ see me in my wolf form. I wouldn't allow it. That was one part of me I intended to keep hidden from her for the rest of my life. I couldn't keep the truth from her, but I sure as hell was going to keep her from ever actually coming into contact with that hideous truth.

"Never," I said, still seething, when I had finally controlled my breathing and was able to speak again. I realized my grip on her hand was a little bit too tight, and decided it was best to let go of her hand altogether at the moment.

"Jake, be reasonable about thi—"

"Reasonable?! Isn't one suicide attempt enough for today?"

I regretted the words the moment they came out of my mouth. Bella froze midsentence and I knew that I had just made a seriously low blow. Her eyes began to water, and I could see her fighting off tears when she closed them and looked away. But Bella was strong, and her voice was as firm and bitter as ever when she responded to my question.

"You're right, Jake. I am totally and completely incapable of making my own decisions. Everyone else makes them for me, so why am I surprised that you want to make them for me, too?"

The sarcasm lacing her voice was biting. I knew she was referring to Cullen, and it killed me to have her compare me to that filthy leech. I didn't want to be anything like him, but I couldn't give in. Not this time.

"Look, Bella, I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean it that way but… it's too _dangerous_."

"You promised me that you would never hurt me, and I believe you. Please, Jake, for me. _Please_."

Bella was nearly begging now, and I was finding it more and more difficult to say no. I knew I wouldn't hurt her, but that wasn't the problem. I would love Bella no matter what state I was in, but could Bella love me after she saw me in my wolf form? Could she love a monster again? It was one thing to hear the legends, but an entirely different thing to see the person you love phase into a monster right before your eyes. There was no way Bella could be attracted to me anymore after seeing what I truly am. Out of fear of losing her love, I would hide that part of myself from her forever.

"Why not, Jake? Give me a good reason, and I'll never ask you about it again," she promised, grabbing my face in between her small hands and pulling me towards her. The truth was that I _didn't_ have a good reason. None that would satisfy her. Her eyes silently pleaded with me to concede, and I was losing my resolve by the second.

"You want a reason, Bells? Fine. Because I'm _ashamed_. I hate that part of me more than you will ever know, because it was that part of me that almost caused me to lose you. I'm a _monster_, Bells. But when I'm with you, I almost forget who I really am. I feel like I'm human again, like nothing ever came between us in the first place. If I let you see me for what I truly am, you'll never look at me the same way again. I don't think I can deal with that, seeing you look at me differently, being _afraid_ of me. You want be to be completely honest with you? Well here it is. I'm _terrified_ that if you see me in my wolf form, you wont feel the same way about me anymore." Once again, I had poured my heart out to this woman. I couldn't deny her anything for long. I could only hope that she would understand where I was coming from when I was reluctant to phase in front of her. Bella stared up at me with the most confused look on her face, and it took everything in me to keep a straight face at that moment.

"You don't want to let me see you in your wolf form because you think I won't be _attracted_ to you anymore?"

When she put it that way, it did seem a bit ridiculous. I brought my arm up to scratch my head timidly when I realized I had most definitely lost this argument.

"Eh… I guess so…" I replied, feeling more and more stupid by the minute. Bella looked at me blankly for a moment before bursting out laughing. "What the hell is so damn funny, Bells?"

I was more than a little insulted by the fact that I had just confessed something very serious to my girlfriend and she had laughed in my face about it. Bella tried to respond but she was giggling so much that she could barely breathe. I tried to look angry and irritated, but after a few seconds I started chuckling myself, and before I knew it we were both in hysterics and Bella had collapsed on top of me, still snickering like an idiot. I wrapped my arms around her and tried to catch my breath. I hadn't laughed like that in a while, but with Bella by my side, I felt as if I were on cloud nine. Bella placed her head on my chest, and I just held her there on top of me. A few moments passed in silence as we enjoyed just being together before Bella broke the silence.

"Jake, you know I love you, right?"

"Yea, Bells, I know."

"You know that nothing can change that, right?"

"Mhmm…" But I didn't. I wasn't sure at all.

Not because I thought she was lying.

Not because I didn't believe that she cared about me.

But because it was too much. Because it was more than I deserved, and more than I could ever hope to keep. Because it was too perfect, too beautiful, too passionate, and because I was scared stiff that it would all be ripped away. Because this girl was my life now, and I couldn't live through losing her.

"I still want to see you phase, you know," she said, breaking me out of my trance. I could almost hear the smile in her voice. And I had to giver her credit, because she sure as hell was determined. I would give her what she wanted, because I loved her with everything in me and I couldn't let my fears get in the way of our relationship anymore.

"Are you sure that's what you want, Bells?"

"Of course I'm sure."

"Fine… I give in."

"Really?!" she asked, squealing with delight. I rolled me eyes and sighed lightheartedly.

"Yes, really," I laughed, squeezing her even more tightly. I let her go reluctantly, and placed her back in her seat. She turned around and gave me the most adorable pout I'd ever seen, trying to move closer to me again. I chuckled and shook my head. "Don't you wanna get there before sunset? You won't be able to see anything if it's dark."

"Get where?" she asked, extremely curious.

"You don't think I'm just going to phase in the middle of the road, do you? You'll find out when we get there," I said, knowing it would drive her crazy. If there's one thing in this world Isabella Swan hated more than gym, it was surprises. She crossed her arms grumpily over her chest as I winked at her with a smile and put the car in drive. She would find out soon enough.

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	10. Chapter 10

**Hey, everyone[: I know this chapter is very, very late but I've had a pretty terrible past couple of weeks and I'm totally sorry /: I promise to try and make it up to you guys[: Anyways, this chapter is a bit slow but I promise things do pick up VERY soon, so bear with me! All Bella's POV:**

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"Jake?" I asked tentatively. "Can I _please_ take it off now?"

I heard him sigh overdramatically as he continued to guide me slowly towards some mysterious destination. If I was clumsy when I had all five of my senses, I was downright dangerous with a blindfold on. For the past twenty minutes that we had been walking, I had constantly been tripping, slipping, and stumbling over the smallest of objects in my path. Even with his firm grip on my arm, I was dangerously close falling and ending up in the emergency room with a broken bone or two. Not exactly where I wanted to spend my evening.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," he chastised. "Patience is a virtue."

"And kidnapping is a crime," I muttered under my breath. But, of course, his enhanced ears had no trouble comprehending what I said.

"Whoa whoa whoa, wait just a second, Bells. Kidnapping? Whose idea was this anyway?" Jake asked incredulously. "You're the one who just _had _to see me in my wolf form _right now_. Couldn't even wait until I got you home so Charlie could breathe again once he saw you were okay. See what I mean about patience? If anyone was coerced into _anything _it was me! You just kept _pressuring_ and _bullying_ me until I HAD to give in! And I'm not very good when it comes to peer pressure. You can be very persuasive when you want to be, Bells. But you know, I still love you. Menacing, intimidating bully or not." I could just picture that stupid, huge grin of his. Jake laughed, obviously pleased at the outraged expression on my face. At this, I roughly wrenched my arm away from his grasp.

"Jacob Black! I am NOT a bully! Yes, I wanted to see you phase, but I didn't ask to be blindfolded for an hour and forced to trek through the woods all damn afternoon! That's it, I'm taking this stupid blindfold off _right now_." I yanked the piece of fabric and tossed it angrily at the floor. The brightness of the sun blinded me for a few seconds, and I had to blink several times before I could get a clear picture of my surroundings. We had apparently reached some sort of small beach, surrounded by a series of caves. The water was eerily still, a strange contrast to the overwhelming currents I had experienced just that morning on a different beach.

"Geez, Bells, no need to get violent," he mocked, giving me one of his stupid smirks. "Oh well, you don't really need the blindfold anymore. We're just about to get in the water, anyways."

This stopped me dead in my tracks. Not funny. Not funny at all. And Jake could tell. As soon as he saw the look on my face, the smirk disappeared from his. He turned to face me and pulled me by the hips, closing the distance between us.

"What's wrong, Bells?" he asked gently, tucking a strand of hair away from my face and behind my ear. I took a deep breath and cleared my throat before replying.

"Nothing's wrong. It's just… I almost _drowned_ today. I think it's best if I stayed out of the ocean for a bit, don't you agree?" That was understatement. I was downright terrified. As confident as I had been when I dived off the cliff that morning, I was much more aware now of how close I had come to death, and I wanted to stay as far away from those memories as possible. I was alive. I was with my Jacob. And I certainly wanted to keep things that way.

"Are you serious, Bells? You're _afraid_?" Jake laughed and looked at me as if I were insane. "You run with vampires and werewolves but you're afraid of some good old H2O? C'mon, Bella, it's gonna get late and then this will all be for nothing. Start walking or I'm gonna have to carry you and toss you in the water myself!" He grabbed my hand and started walking but I refused to budge.

"Jake… _please_ don't. I'm serious, Jake, please don't make me do it, I can't." My voice had begun to tremble. Perhaps I was being immature and irrational, but the thought of going near the water was making me nauseous. Jake could sense the genuine fear in my voice, and his face fell.

"Bells, I was just joking. You know that, right? I would never force you to do something you didn't want to do. But, I just don't understand… are you really _that_ scared?" I nodded silently and looked away, too embarrassed to face him. I knew I was being completely ridiculous, but I couldn't help it. Jake grabbed my chin gently and made me look him straight in the eyes. He slowly lowered his mouth to my ear, as if afraid to startle me. "I would _never_ let anything happen to you, Bells. You're safe with me, I will _always_ protect you. You just need to trust me, Bella. Do you trust me?"

And I did. More than he could ever possibly understand. I nodded once again and turned my head slightly so that his forehead rested on my own.

"I trust you more than you know, Jake." He smiled, and leaned down to briefly press his lips against my own. Too briefly, in my opinion. I tried to pull his face back down to mine when he pulled away, but he only laughed and scooped me up in his arms.

"Remember what I said about patience, Bells. We'll have plenty of time together later. But now, we're on a bit of a tight schedule." He walked towards the water slowly, until the waves lapped gently at his feet. I wrapped my arms tightly around him, and prepared myself for what was to come. Jake continued to walk into the ocean until it reached his chest and only my upper body remained dry. With Jake holding me close to him, I could barely feel the icy water as it surrounded me. The heat emanating from his body seemed to radiate out into the water. "You said you trust me, right?"

"Yes."

"Then hold your breath on the count of three."

"Wait, what?!"

"One."

"JAKE!"

"Two!"

"Agh, I hate you!" I knew it was useless to fight him, and I was genuinely curious as to what he was planning, so I ceased my futile attempts at getting him to stop and began to prepare myself mentally.

"Three." I sucked in a huge lungful of air just as Jake dove into the water, taking me with him.

I didn't know what was going on. All I knew was that we were moving, quickly. Very quickly. I could feel Jake kicking furiously behind me, propelling us into deeper water. He swam towards a narrow tunnel in the ground and went in without hesitation. And then, suddenly, we were no longer underwater. I gasped wildly as I tried to fill my lungs with oxygen, though we had only been underwater for all of thirty seconds, max. The tunnel had led us to a small cave. It was dark, but I could see light emanating from an opening on the other side of the tunnel. Jacob pulled us out of the water and onto the cave floor. I could hear the sound of rushing water coming from the opening of the cave. Jacob eased me down slowly to the floor, and looked me over meticulously to make sure I was okay. Once he was certain that I was, in fact, alive, in one piece, and not bleeding, he laughed and began to shake himself violently in an effort to dry himself.

"You're such a dog." I had to resist the urge to roll my eyes at him. He just laughed some more and pulled me into one of his enormous hugs.

"You know you love me, Bells. Almost as much as I love you."

"Jake, can't breathe!" He was squeezing me so tightly that I was finding it difficult to think, much less breathe.

"Oops, sorry about that, Bells," he laughed, as he released me. "Now c'mon, I've got something I want to show you." He grabbed my hand in his and led me to the opening of the cave.

The cave opened up into the most beautiful beach I had ever laid eyes on. To one side of the cave was a path that led to what appeared to be some sort of forest. To the other side of the cave was the source of the sound of rushing water I had heard: a gorgeous waterfall. And across the waterfall shone an incredible rainbow. I couldn't help but remember a trip I had been on years ago to Niagara Falls, where I had seen a rainbow for the very first time. Even then I was amazed by the different colors, as they painted a perfect arc across the sky. But this… this was much more beautiful. Niagara Falls, though incredible and majestic in it's own way, had become just another tourist area, crowded and noisy all year round. But this beach appeared so quiet and untouched that I felt like an intruder watching this masterpiece nature had created. Jacob was silent beside me, lost in his own world. He truly was beautiful. Yes, a werewolf, strong and fearless, but so delicate and human all the same. He turned to look at me when he noticed me staring. He was smiling, but not his typical grin or smirk. It was a soft smile, almost solemn.

"Do you like it?" he whispered.

"I love it, Jake. Really, it's beautiful. How did you ever find this place?" He turned back to the waterfall, still with that sad smile.

"I used to come here with my mom, before the accident… Every time the sun was out. We would drive up through the forest, and the rainbow would always be here. Same rainbow, every time. It never changed. She was fascinated, you know. She would always joke around, ask where the rainbow went when the sun was gone… My sisters and I would sit out here for hours, just watching the rainbow with her. Sometimes we would get bored, and start messing around in the forest or in the caves. That's how I found the tunnel that leads here from the other beach. When she died… I would come up here by myself all the time, but the rainbow never showed up again. Wherever my mom went, she took her rainbow with her… That's what I thought. And then I saw you that day at La Push, right after you first moved to Forks, and something just clicked. I didn't know what it was, Bells, but ever since that day, the rainbow has been coming back… But now… now I know why. Remember when I was telling you about the wolves this morning, what I said about imprinting? I think that's it, Bells… I think that's why the rainbow has been appearing since I saw you…"

Jake was silent then. I was completely overwhelmed by his words, and I realized that in that moment, I loved him even more than I had before. Once again, he had shown me the deepest parts of his soul. He trusted me with everything in him, just like I trusted him. His honesty, his humanity, his patience and his optimism, I didn't deserve any of it. Not after the way I treated him for so many months. But he was here. He was mine. And I was his. Not completely, not yet all his. But I was his all the same, and the rest would come in due time. I could only watch in wonder as he spoke, telling the saddest and most beautiful of stories. Yet his final words intrigued me. I remembered his explanation about imprinting very well. I had found the concept fascinating from the start.

"Jake, are you saying that… I'm your _imprint_?" The idea felt wrong. Yes, I loved him. With everything I had left. And I knew with everything in me that he loved me back. But for some reason, one I couldn't explain, it didn't feel right. Not now. Not yet. I was afraid. Not of the implications behind the imprint. No, not that. I already knew that Jake was mine and I was his. _Forever_. The fear didn't stem from the concept of eternity, but rather from a gut feeling that there was something else, that it wasn't time. The idea of being his _imprint _just didn't fit.

Jake looked up suddenly, a slightly hurt look displayed across his features. He sighed and paused for a moment before answering.

"No… Not exactly. At least, not yet. I mean, I feel it, Bells. I feel my soul pulling at yours, trying to reach you, but it keeps coming back empty-handed. I don't understand it. I trust you, Bells, and I believe you when you tell me you want to be with me. I don't doubt it for a second. But I can't explain it, because I _know _you're the one and I know that if I ever imprint it will be on you, but it hasn't happened. It's like your soul isn't ready, Bells, like it's waiting for something. But that's okay. I don't need some strange wolf bond to tell me that we're meant to be together. It's just… I just wish I knew _why_."

"Jake, I can't tell you why or how or when, but I can tell you that I'm _yours_, whether or not you imprint. If you want me, I'm yours." And I knew that I had never spoken truer words in my life. Whatever this imprinting issue was, we would figure it out.

"I just wanted you to know the truth… Until you showed up, it's like I was living in black and white. Living… but not _alive_. And then you came and brought the whole rainbow back with you, and all of a sudden the colors were _everywhere_, and I could see nothing but those colors. I don't think I can go back to living in black and white, Bells."

"And you won't have to. Get used to the colors, Jake, because they're here to stay." And then he looked down at me with that smile I knew too well, and I knew exactly what he meant about the colors and the rainbows. I, too, was living in darkness before he lit up my sky. My _sun_. Forever and always.

Jake turned to me and kissed my forehead, before turning around and walking in the direction of the forest. I frowned and began to protest.

"Where are you going?" Jake turned around, his signature smirk in full effect.

"Well, Bells, we came here for a reason." Right. To see him phase. And to think I had almost forgotten.

"That still doesn't explain where you're going, Jake." He just laughed this time, and I really wanted to know what in the world was so damn funny.

"You see, I can't exactly phase wearing my clothes, Bella. Billy wouldn't be too happy if I destroyed all of my clothes like that." I still wasn't getting it, and Jake sighed before continuing. "That means I have to _remove_ my clothes, Bells, and I don't think you'd like it very much if I did that in front of you." At this thought, I began to blush furiously. The thought of Jake removing his clothing in front of me… _all_ of his clothing… I had to stop before I got carried away.

Of course, Jake noticed me blushing insanely and thought my embarrassment was the funniest thing in the world. So as he stood there, doubled over in laughter, all I could do was blush even more.

"Maybe I was wrong, Bells," he said, once he'd recollected himself. "Maybe you'd like it a little _too_ much."

"Jaaaaake," I groaned.

"I'm sorry, Bells, I just couldn't resist," he said, giving me his best little puppy dog pout. And that's where my anger ended. Because I was absolutely useless when he gave me that pout. Oh god, I was so weak. I rolled my eyes at him and he just walked up to me and wrapped me in a gentle hug. "There's nothing to be ashamed about, you know. If only you knew how much I want you, every second of the day. It would put your blushes to shame… I love you, Bells. I'll be right back."

And he walked off into the forest, and I watched him go, knowing and trusting with all of my heart that he was coming back. Because he was Jake, and because with him, I knew that not only was I worthy, but I was wanted. And that knowledge was enough to make up for everything and anything that got in our way.

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	11. Chapter 11

**Oh, how I enjoyed writing this chapter(: This is where things start to get a bit more intense. **

**It's a pretty short chapter, but I hope you enjoy it all the same. Now, go read(: All Jake's POV.**

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Slowly and apprehensively, I made my way back to the beach where I knew Bella was waiting for me, ready to show her the last piece of myself that I had been so determined to keep hidden from her. With all of my heart and soul, I trusted her to look past the monster that I was and understand that regardless of the shape my body was in, my heart, mind, and soul would always be hers. I would always be hers. _Forever._

I paused for a moment to admire her as she sat silently on the ground with her eyes closed, marveling at the fact that even in my wolf form, her beauty could still take my breath away. In a world filled with violence, anger, and hate, I had found the one person who made it all worthwhile. Without her, reduced to living in a black and white world, I was nothing. She wasn't my imprint, _yet_, but this woman already had all of me. I couldn't ever ask for more. I continued on towards her, once again ready to bare my soul to this woman, knowing that she would love and accept me for me. Exposed and naked as I was, _I had never felt more complete_.

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"Thank you," she whispered, so silently that I could barely hear it, as I grabbed her hand in mine and turned to face her, keeping the other on the steering wheel.

"For what, Bells?" I asked, pulling into her driveway and taking the keys out of the ignition. I scooted closer to her and placed a kiss on her forehead.

"For everything, Jake. For showing me that part of you, for trusting me enough to let me in. I know that I haven't exactly earned that trust. I treated you so horribly for so long, Jake, and yet you still keep giving me more and more. I want to give back to _you_. I don't have much to give, but I want you to understand how much you mean to me, and how grateful I am for all of it… After _him_, I didn't think there was anything left for me. I thought it was all over. I would think about the future and no matter how far I looked, there was no silver lining, no happy ending. But then you came into my life and showed me that there was so much more. For all of it, for bringing me back to life after I was dead for so long. You're all I want, Jake… _Thank you_." Bella looked up at me with a sort of admiration that I was sure I didn't deserve, but I relished it all the same. Her eyes glistened with joy and satisfaction, and it took all I had to keep my composure.

I had known that she loved me. I had known that I made her happy. I had known that she wanted me, forever. And I had been satisfied with all of it. It had been enough, and it would have always been enough. But in that moment, the way Bella was looking at me made me feel like _I_ was enough. I wasn't just a replacement for the man she couldn't have, the one who had left her torn and broken and afraid of love. I wasn't just _okay,_ _he'll have to do,_ _I guess he'll work, he makes me feel better, always second place_. I was no longer just filling a hole in her heart. I knew that in that moment, I was the only one she saw. No bloodsucker. No Edward. Her smile was for me. _Only for me_. And right then, looking into her eyes, my whole world changed.

The moon, the planets, the stars, all shifted from their orbits to revolve around the one thing in this world that I valued above life itself. I was sure that I would die, that one body could not handle such a feeling, so intense, so extreme, so _severe._ The place where our hands met seemed to be the center of the universe, all aspects of my life now revolving around her hand in mine, her heart beating with mine, her soul reaching out to mine, touching mine, grabbing mine, intertwining, forever, one soul, one heart, together and just _love_, amazing and pure and unlike anything and everything I had ever experienced or imagined or seen or believed. My head spun and my heart ached as I drowned in her beauty and the love I felt for her, oxygen escaping me and words never enough to express this, my love, my passion for this woman. My Bells. _My imprint._

"Bells, you just gave me the one thing I could ever want." Breathless. It took everything in me to get that one statement out. She looked at me, confused and puzzled and just _so fucking adorable_. God, I loved her.

"Huh?"

"You, Bells. You you you you you! _Always you._"

And I couldn't wait. I couldn't explain, or elaborate, or try to make her understand what had just happened, so epic, so immense, so _perfect_. I couldn't. And I couldn't, because I couldn't control myself. I grabbed her and kissed her and loved her and tried to explain it, all of it, through this one, incredible kiss. My hands tangled in her hair and hers in mine when her shock subsided and she kissed me back, wholly and completely, and just as lost in me as I was in her and _perfection_, beautiful perfection when she lay down across the seat with me on top of her, feeling all of her with all of me. And I kissed down her neck and she kissed my bare chest and just passion and love and perfection.

My hands moved of their own accord, up and down her thighs, _so soft_. And when hers moved down my chest, to my stomach, and _lower_, I trembled and groaned and breathed it all in, Bella, her scent, and the smell of her arousal, breathing slowly and deeply and completely for the first time since we had arrived at her house. And as quickly as my world came together, I thought it might shatter. Because slowly and deeply and completely, I breathed in more than I ever wanted to. I immediately tensed, failing to comprehend how I had not realized sooner. Bella realized instantly that something was wrong, and one look at my face sent an expression of panic across her face, not that it made her any bit less beautiful. She sat up quickly, grabbing my face in between her hands as I began to shake violently.

"Jake, honey, what's wrong?" she asked, voice trembling. I leaned back against the seat, trying to calm myself and prepare myself for her reaction. I looked her in the eyes, and surely she could see the fear and anger and pain and remorse in mine. There was nothing in this world that I wouldn't give to not be the one telling her what I was about to tell her, to not have to tell her anything at all, to make it not be true, _please don't be true_. I opened and closed my mouth several times before willing myself to speak. Slowly and apprehensively, voice shaking and breathing impossible, I said it.

"Bells, somebody's in your house."

"What are you…" She paused, and a look of understanding crossed her features as she gasped loudly and began to yell in a panicked voice. "Is it Victoria?! Is she here, did she find me? Jake, did she hurt Charlie?!" She was near tears, and I shook my head roughly, managing to whisper a 'no'. She calmed down visibly, but the confusion appeared once more. "What is it, then?" she asked, still trying to catch her breath. I locked eyes with her and forced myself to just spit it out. Bella deserved to know.

"Not Victoria. _Cullen_."

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**Well, it had to happen sometime. **

**True story: I was rereading the bit in New Moon where Alice shows up and has the vision that Edward is going to Italy and tells Bella and Jake is there and Bella decides to go save Edward and Jake is just _begging _her to stay and crying and shaking and then he says "You could stay here with me. You could stay alive. For Charlie. For me. Don't die, Bella. Don't go. Don't." And at this point I started crying like the idiot that I am, because I've only read the saga once in my life and it was over a year ago and I had forget just how emotional I got the first time around. Oh, Im such a cry baby. My heart just aches for Jacob3**

**Anyways,  
Thank you thank you thank you to all of my readers because you're all absolutely incredible(:  
And please! don't forget to leave a review. I don't have very many, which kind of leads me to the conclusion that nobody likes my story /:  
But if that _is_ the case, I would still really appreciate some constructive criticism. This is my first story and I really want to improve.  
Thanks again, I love you guys(: **


	12. Chapter 12

**Enjoy(: All Bella's POV.**

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_Cullen._

My head spun and I fought to remain conscious as all of the air was instantly ripped from my lungs. My chest constricted painfully, _terribly painfully_, as I tried to make sense of the situation. There was only one thought running through my mind, over and over and over again. _Not now. Not when I was finally awake, not when I was finally __**alive.**_

I couldn't accept it, _refused _to accept it. If he was back… but he _couldn't_ be back, not now, never, he didn't want me, said goodbye, shattered my heart and left and broke me and _he wasn't coming back_. Jake was lying. Jake was wrong. Wrong wrong wrong _wrong_.

I was absolutely furious. Furious because for a single second, I had let my heart soar at the prospect of his return. Furious because for a single second, I was hoping and wishing it were true. Furious because after all this time, he still had that power over me. But it wasn't true, _couldn't_ be true. He wasn't here. He was somewhere far, far away, enjoying his life without me.

_I would prove it._

Before Jake could react or make any move to stop me, I shoved open the door on the passenger side and jumped out of the car, running towards my front door and slamming it open. My hands were trembling and my vision was blurry. It wasn't until I noticed the drops spilling onto my clothes that I realized I was crying. My hand instantly went up to roughly wipe away the tears. _I wasn't going to cry because of him._ Not anymore. I was going to walk up to him, slap him, hurt him and hate him and tell him to _get the fuck out of my house. _I was going to jump into his arms and hug him and make him promise to _stay with me forever. _I would _kill_ him. I would _kiss _him. I would love him, and I would hate him. I would blame him for the nightmares, the heartbreak, the _pain_. I would show him what he did to me, make him feel guilt, hurt, remorse, _something _for everything he caused me. His departure was no ordinary goodbye, it was _murder_, the kind that ached and burned and tore and throbbed and never completely went away. A permanent scar, to dull and fade but never disappear, never forgotten, never far from my mind.

I should hate him and hit him and blame him and hurt him, but I knew and I knew and I knew I would forgive him, and it was this that made me hate him all the more. If he was back, _which he wasn't, could not be, impossible_, if he was back… I would _forgive_ him.

I could vaguely hear Jake shouting after me, running after me, feel him grabbing me and pulling me towards him. _Because Jake was not Edward_. Jake did not abandon me, he chased me and pursued me and loved me and would follow me to the ends of the earth. But despite this, his shouting was nothing but a whisper in my mind. His pull on my arm was nothing but a gentle caress. I was barely there, barely feeling, barely alive. The only sound I could hear was the pounding of my own heart as I shot into the house and ran upstairs to find _him_. No, not to _find_ him. To prove to Jake that there was no one to find, that he was far, far away, gone forever. That we were _alone_.

But before I could I could do this, before I could break away from Jake's grasp and search the house from corner to corner, I saw her coming down the stairs. Beautiful as ever, not so much walking as gliding, Alice Cullen made her way down the stairs towards me. And it was not the beauty of her face, but its expression, that entirely destroyed me and brought me back to tears. Never before had I witnessed someone look so absolutely beautiful while in such pain. Her face was contorted in an expression that proved to be more heartbreaking than any amount of tears she could never shed. I didn't understand, couldn't comprehend the reason for her pain. And despite the months without her, despite all our time apart, her pain was mine and my heart was partly hers and I loved her and missed her and wrenched my arm from Jake's grasp to run to her side.

"Oh, Alice!" I cried, as I wrapped my arms around her and squeezed her tightly, to make up for all those lost days, missing hugs, should-have-been's. She hugged me back, just as enthusiastically, shouting in my ear.

"Bella! You're safe! You're alive!" she yelled, trying to mask the pain and despair evident on her face from her tone. "I knew he could save you, I knew it!"

"Alice, what are you talking about?" I finally released her and attempted to stop my crying. I needed to figure out what was going on, fast. I needed to find out where _he _was, to make sure he was nowhere near me, to forget the past few minutes completely.

"Oh, Bella, when I saw you jump, I didn't know what to do, how to help you. I was too far away, I wouldn't be able to get here in time. But I couldn't do _nothing_, and I'm so grateful that I was able to reach Jake when I did." She turned to face Jake, her eyes shining with gratitude. "Thank you." Jake shook his head, the hard, wary expression on his face melting into a kinder one. When he spoke, his voice was low and solemn.

"No, thank _you. _It was my error that placed her in such a dangerous situation, and I will never be able to forgive myself for it. I owe you her life." Jake and Alice's exchange confused me, and I tried to piece it all together.

"Jake, what's going on?" I asked, taking a step towards him and grabbing his large hand in mine. I looked up at him inquisitively, waiting for a response. He took in a slow, deep breath, closing his eyes for a moment before he spoke.

"When I first phased into a wolf, and recognized the implications and consequences of my change, I vowed to stay away from you forever. I wasn't willing to let myself be near you, not when I could hurt you so easily, Bells. It killed me to do it, but I knew that if I was to stay away from you, I had to run. I left, like a coward and a fool I ran away, and I was still running when Alice called me. She told me that she saw you _hurting yourself_, Bells. Killing yourself. She knew that I would do everything possible to save you. She knew that I would rather die than see you get hurt, and I turned back immediately to find you."

I was too stunned to speak. I had been with Jake the entire day, confessed my deepest and innermost secrets, kissed him and loved him and watched him give me everything he had, but he had kept this from me. I released his hand from mine and looked up at him, and I knew that hurt and betrayal must have been evident on my features. I was hurt, and I wasn't going to hide it.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I asked, in a low but firm voice. He looked at me and his eyes widened, filled with guilt and remorse.

"Bells, I swear, I completely forgot. From the moment I heard what Alice had to say, every part of my body was focused on _saving you_. And when I did, and you told me how you felt about me, and with the incredible day that I've spent with you, it was the furthest thing from my mind. I love you, Bells, and I've been honest with you about everything. You have to believe me, I didn't mean to keep this from you." Jake grabbed me and pulled me closer to him, placing one hand on my cheek and staring at me with an intensity I had never before seen. I could see the guilt in his eyes and I knew that he was telling the truth. "Please, Bells, I'm sorry." I merely closed my eyes and nodded, letting him know that I was letting it go. I let myself delight in the warmth of Jake's hand on my face, breathing in his scent, before Alice's shaky voice interrupted me.

"Bella, there's more. Edward was in the room with me when I saw you jumping off the cliff." The sound of his name was too much for me, and I visibly winced. I turned to face her, and was met with the same expression I had seen on her face when she first walked down the stairs. I didn't understand what she was saying, or why it was so important, and I waited impatiently for her to continue. "He saw the same thing I saw, Bella, he thinks you're dead." Silence. I didn't get it. What was that supposed to _mean_? He left. He doesn't love me. He doesn't care.

"Well then you'll tell him I'm not dead," I said through gritted teeth. _It's not like he really gives a damn. _

"It's not that simple, Bella. When he saw my vision, he didn't even give me time to say something, to stop him, to try to change the future. He left. _To Italy._" And all of the pieces of the puzzle began to fall into place. It was too much. I couldn't handle it.

Italy. Volturi. And I heard his voice, as clearly as if he were next to me, remembering the day he'd told me that nobody messes with the Volturi unless the were asking for death. The realization hit me _hard_, and I let out a strangled sob as I collapsed to the ground.

"BELLA!" Jake shouted, picking me up and carrying me in his arms. The entire world was spinning again, and I didn't want to think, just wanted to forget, to pretend. But the truth was staring me right in the face and I couldn't deny it for much longer. _Edward was going to die, and it was all going to be my fault._

"Put me down, Jake," I demanded, and he reluctantly obliged. My heart was beating erratically in my chest and my head felt like it was going to explode. I couldn't take much more of this. "Alice, why are you here?" She was silent for a moment, and I was becoming more and more annoyed by the second. "Alice!"

"Bella, there's still some time. If you come with me, if we find him, we can show him that you're alive, we can stop him before he provokes the Volturi!" she was speaking quickly, begging, pleading. "Bella, please, I can't let him die, I can't!"

She couldn't be. There was no way. Impossible. She was asking me to leave my family, to leave Jacob, in order to save the one man that almost destroyed me. But the worst part, was the fact that I would actually consider it. No matter how much I was angry with Edward, and no matter how much he had hurt me, a part of me would _always love him_. How could I let him kill himself because he believed me to be dead? Guilt. I felt guilty and awful and angry and once again I loathed him for making me feel this way. I stood there, in my house, shaking and thinking and contemplating, and hating the way that I felt an obligation to him and to Alice and to the Cullens. I would do it for him in a second, and it made me sick. But I owed Alice that much, and what reason did I have for staying?

_Jake._

He wouldn't let me go. He wouldn't let me run off to save a _bloodsucker_. And when I turned around and saw his face it nearly killed me, because he must have believed that I would go. His eyes were wet with tears that he refused to let spill, and his face reflected a myriad of emotions. _Fear. Pain. Loss. Betrayal. _He thought he had lost me, that I would run off to find Edward and leave him behind, and I wanted to slap him for entertaining such notions, and slap myself because he was almost right. He had no reason to trust me, and I didn't blame him for doubting me like that. I couldn't stand to see him in such pain. I couldn't stand _myself_ for causing it. Jake had done nothing but try to make me happy, every second of every day, and I could not repay him like this. He was my life now, and I was his. I had fallen completely, absolutely head over heels for this man, who I had for so long considered nothing more than a friend. I wouldn't go. I _couldn't_ go, couldn't leave him, couldn't put him through that. I couldn't choose Edward over Jake, not this time, not _again._

Edward chose his path months ago, and I was not a part of it. That wouldn't change now. Alice would go to him herself, she would convince him, he would read her mind and see me, alive and well and happy, _in love_ with Jake. That would be enough. It would have to be enough. Edward was stubborn, but not _that_ stubborn. He wouldn't be able to deny the truth, he would see me in her thoughts, he would understand, he _must_ understand… Right?

But in the end, Edward didn't matter. He chose his path, and I chose mine. Mine was with Jacob by my side, and I wouldn't abandon it for anything in the world. I wasn't Edward. _I didn't abandon the people I love. _

"I can't do it, Alice. I can't, I'm sorry but I just _can't_." She was silent, and I was afraid of what I would see if I looked into her eyes.

I couldn't stand seeing Jake in pain any longer. I wrapped my arms around his waist as tightly as I could and buried my face into his chest, breathing him in. He didn't hug me back, just stood there limply, eyes closed. I had to make him understand, make him see that there was no one in the world that I would choose over him. I brought my lips to his ear and whispered to him softly.

"I'm not leaving you, Jake, I promise, I swear. I'm staying here with you, no matter what. I love you, Jake, and nothing is going to take me away from you. _Nothing._"

Jake still didn't hug me back, and I was becoming increasingly worried by the second. _Didn't he believe me? _I was about to scream out in frustration when I felt hot tears falling into my hair. It nearly broke my heart, and I tried to pull away from him, to look at him, to _kiss_ him. But when I tried to step back, he wrapped his arms around me and crushed me back to him with his embrace. He spoke then, lowering his lips to my ear, still keeping my body pressed closely to his. His voice was weak and unsteady, filled with emotion.

"Bells, I want to tell you to stay. I want to tell you to let the bloodsucker get out of his own mess. I want to tell you to stay by my side and never leave… _But I can't…_ I can't let myself get in the way of you doing what you feel is right. I love you, Bells, so much, more than you know, but that's exactly why _I can't let you stay. _There's so much I want to say to you right now, but the only thing I can think of is that stupid, ridiculous quote that I always hear people say. I never understood it, not until this very moment, Bells._ '__If you love somebody__, __let them go__… I__f__ they return, they were always yours. And __if__ they don't, they never were'..._ Bells, as much as it kills me, _I need to let you go."_

His words were too much for me, and I realized then that I would never fully appreciate just how much he loved me. I couldn't live without him, and his words were tearing me apart. He was asking me to leave. He was asking me to go on without him. And even though I knew that he wasn't abandoning me, that it was just temporarily, that he was doing it for _me,_ because he knew I wouldn't be happy if I let Edward get hurt if I could have prevented it, it still didn't hurt any less. I couldn't control my emotions, and before I knew it I was sobbing into his chest.

"No, no, no, I don't want to go! I want to stay with _you_, forever, I don't care about anyone else, Jake! Why can't you be selfish?! Why can't you ask me to stay?!" Jake looked at me silently, with an understanding look in his eyes.

"Because it's not what you _want,_" he sighed. "You know you would never forgive yourself if you stayed and something happened to him, even if it kills me to acknowledge it. Your heart is too big, and you're too much of a good person to let it happen as long as you can help it. _You'll always love him, _Bells. And I can't let you do something you'll regret." I was still crying relentlessly, but I knew he was right. Jake loosened his hold on me and I turned to kiss him, _needed _to kiss him. The moment our lips met, I knew everything would be all right. Because I loved him, and nothing would change that. Because he would be here waiting for me when I got back. Because I knew in my heart that I was doing the right thing, that I owed it to the Cullens, that it would all be okay. The kiss was soft, slow, but _passionate_.

"I love you so much, Jake," I said, breaking away the kiss. And he smiled, and it lit up my world, and I knew that I would search the world for that smile, and not even the Volturi would be able to stop me. Jake pulled away from me, _much too soon, always too soon, _and I turned to look at Alice once again. She had been silent during my entire exchange with Jake. She looked up at me expectantly when I walked over to her.

"Okay," I sighed. "I'll go." Alice wrapped me in a bone-crushing hug and could barely contain her excitement as she squealed and yelled and hugged.

"Oh, thank you thank you thank you, Bella. You don't know how much this means to me, to all of us. We can't lose him, Bella, we just can't. There isn't much time, we're going to have to leave for Italy immediately. I'm going to go pack a few things for you quickly while you say goodbye." She darted up the stairs before I even had a chance to respond.

_Goodbye._

_I had to say goodbye to Jake._

Before I could turn around to face him, I felt his arms wrap around my waist from behind and instantly leaned back into his chest.

"Not goodbye, Bells. You'll be back before you know it, and we'll be together again."

I wrapped my arms around his neck as I turned around, and we kissed once more. When Alice came bounding down the stairs again, this time with a large bag full of my things, I was ready. I knew it was all going to be okay.

"Ready to go?" she asked. I nodded and made my way to the door, with Jake by my side.

"Alice, wait, what about Charlie?!"

"Don't worry about Charlie, I'll take care of it," Jake interrupted. "I'm not sure you won't get grounded for life upon your return, but I'll make sure he knows you're safe, and with Alice." I smiled at him and headed towards the car, getting inside. Alice joined me a minute later. Jake stuck his head in my lowered window to give me one last kiss.

"You better take good care of her, Alice," he joked. "I don't relish the idea of flying to Italy and facing a bunch of ancient vampire dictators, but if I get even a single hint that Bella is in danger, or that she's not being treated properly, by you or your _brother, _I won't hesitate to hop on the next flight to Italy." His tone was more serious now, and I knew that he was worried about my safety. As Alice started up the car, I turned to Jake.

"I'll be fine, I promise. Don't worry about me." His eyes flickered up and down my face, finally focusing on my eyes.

"I love you," he whispered, and I knew he meant every word.

As Alice pulled out of my driveway, I couldn't help but tear up. I watched Jake wave at me from my house as his figure became smaller and smaller with every second Alice kept driving. She looked at me sympathetically and I managed a small smile. Whatever happened, I knew that Jake would always be there for me. Whether measured in feet, meters, or miles, I knew that distance was no object when it came to the love Jake and I shared. It was this thought, and this thought alone, that kept me sane as I watched Jake's figure disappear into the distance.

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**Hm, I think this may be the longest chapter so far. **

**Thanks again so much to all of my readers and reviewers, you all make the world go round(:**

**I kind of love this chapter, but I really want all of your opinions so remember to REVIEW! **

**The next chapter might take a while since I'm going to be very busy these next few weeks /: Spring Break officially ended for me today, and now it's back to reality. And reality means AP Exams in May -_____- Cheer me up with a review, will ya? (:**


	13. Chapter 13

**Oh boy, this chapter was a tough one. **

**I want to apologize for how late this chapter was, but since you did get two chapters in two days last time, I'm hoping you'll forgive me? **

**Thank you to everyone who reviewed, it means so much! Spread the word out about this fic, if you really like it(:**

**I hope you like this chapter! I know it's very short, and the plot is limited, but it had to happen and I really didn't know how else to write it. I was conflicted for quite some time over how to portray this very pivotal chapter in my story, because I didn't want it to be too far from what actually happens in the book, yet I needed to write it my way so that it can lead to the events to follow. I hope I did Bella's emotions justice in this chapter, so let me know what you all think when you're done!**

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_To kill time._

What an awful, terrible expression. To waste something so fleeting, so beautiful_, so precious_ as time, must surely be unforgivable. There are those who toss it out blindly, erasing and killing and forgetting, or trying to forget. And others like me, begging and praying and entreating, pleading for one more second, maybe two, _please_ three. One second is all it takes. One to make me. One to break me. One second to lose him, _forever_.

One second. Irreplaceable. Unforgettable. Always lost, but never found. Just one.

As I ran across the square, the tolling of the clock resounding in my ears and piercing its way straight through my heart, I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't forgive myself for every second wasted, when all that was hanging between Edward and his death was one. I searched the crowd for his face, meticulously, carefully, but knowing all the while that he wasn't there, because I could tell his face apart from all the others without a second glance. The face that haunted my nightmares. The face that invaded my most secret fantasies. The face I lived for. The face I would have died for, would still die for, and would _always_ die for.

And it was then that I found it.

Across the square, hidden from the sunlight in a dark and shaded alley, too far, _way too far,_ silent and haunting and painfully reminding me of anything and everything I missed so much. My chest ached and I could barely find the will to keep moving as I watched him, cursing my memories for never doing his beauty justice, and cursing my heart for being so affected by his beauty. Months apart did not detract one bit from his perfection, and every cell in my body came to life at the sight of him.

It was not the face I remembered. Not the face in my nightmares or the face from my dreams. The same man, yes. The same beauty, eternal. But the expression I saw was one that I had never before witnessed and one that I would do anything to never have to witness again. I pushed my legs faster, harder, _more_, sprinting through the crowd that stood between us, begging with everything in me that he would see me, recognize me, realize I was there. That I would make it, prove it, show him, before it was too late. _Before he was lost._

I ignored the awkward glances from the families I ran by. I ignored the angry shouting from those I recklessly pushed through to make it, to get to him. I ignored the tolling clock as it marked each painful second, counting down to the moment when it would all be over.

_Closer._ Every step took me closer and closer to him but never close enough.

_Almost there_. The closer I got, the better I could see him, and the more that the memories flooded my mind. Painful memories. Beautiful memories. Memories I missed, and memories I wanted to forget. I couldn't stop the sobs that escaped from my body as I kept pushing, kept running, kept fighting for him, and it hurt all the more when remembering that he never fought for _me_. For my life, yes. For my love, _never_. He shunned it, pushed it, forgot it, moved on, escaped, without me, never returned, murder, left me broken and dead and in pain. All delusions I had entertained about being over him, about forgetting him, about not missing him or loving him or wanting him, disappeared with every step I took closer towards him.

I was meters away, I could make it, I could _save_ him. I tried to scream and shout to him, to make him at least hear the truth if he could not see it, but my voice was inaudible over the excited talking of the happy, cheerful crowd, unaware of the earthquake taking place within my heart.

My movements were clumsy and uncoordinated, and my tired limbs and muscles could not take much more. The crowd pushed me left and right, but I fought on and endured, _for him_. I endured until I failed to see the wide, jagged fissure in the stone floor, directly in my path. I endured until my feet fell out from under me, and gravity, not time, became my most fierce opponent. I endured until the pain shooting up my ankle was unbearable, and until I felt my skull slam against the stone. The pounding in my head was excruciating, yet it was not my greatest worry.

_Edward._

I tried to get up, I tried to keep moving, I tried to fight on, longer, to never give up. After all this time, after everything I had been through, I could not let him down. I could not let any of them down, all of them down. My vision went blurry and I felt weaker than ever before as I realized my head bleeding. The scent of my blood made me nauseous, and I fought to stay conscious because this was not the time to feel queasy, to get sick. But the journey, all of it, proved to be too much. I had been deteriorating, both physically and mentally, since the moment that Edward left me in the woods that night. Those following months had been a blur of pure pain, and now, this, the rush to Italy, the fear of losing Edward, the responsibility and the pain and the guilt, all came crashing down on me as I slipped into unconsciousness and prayed with everything I had left that I would soon wake up from this nightmare.

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**Thanks for reading(:**

**Please let me know what you thought with a REVIEW!**

**Agh, you guys are the greatest, I swear. I'm so excited about writing the next few chapters because I just can't wait for your reactions(:**


	14. Chapter 14

**And once again, I broke my promise to you guys.**

**Another late chapter /: All of the forces in the universe just seem determined to prevent me from writing.**

**Would it make you guys feel any better if I told you that you would be getting another chapter tomorrow? And another one by Saturday? (:**

**Well, here's chapter fourteen. All Bella's POV. Enjoy!**

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_Electricity. _

Like an electrical current running through my veins, jolting every cell in my body awake, shocking and burning but more pleasurable than you could ever imagine. The type of electricity I could only feel when I was around _him._

_Music._

A beautiful melody ringing in my ears, washing away the pain. Not a melody, a voice, a perfect, rhythmic, unforgettable voice waking me up and putting me to sleep all at once. The type of voice that could belong to only one person. _His voice._

_Cold._

Causing me to shake and shiver from such close proximity to the cold, marble bodies belonging to only one type of creature in this world. But though any of their kind could chill me this way, only one of them could make me feel so absolutely on fire when so completely and utterly cold. _His body, his fiery, scorching cold._

My head was pounding and my ankle throbbed and burned, but I could focus on nothing other than the possibility that I was with _him. _I tried to force my eyes to open, to focus on the man that I knew was near me, that must be near me, that I could _feel _near me. Wherever I was, it was very bright, and it took my eyes a few moments to adjust to the lighting. But when they did, I knew that everything I had endured had been worth it.

Edward stood above me, staring at me with a look of pure shock and wonder that I knew must be reflected in my own eyes, as well. I was unable to suppress a gasp as his utter perfection clouded my mind. His perfect lips, nose, skin, and eyes, all too much, _way _too much. My eyes began to water and my lips trembled as I reached out a shaky hand to touch him, to make sure he was real, and that this was not all some terrible, beautiful dream. But when I placed my fingers gently on his cheek, he did not disappear, he did not vanish into thin air. Edward closed his eyes at the feel of my warm touch on his too cold skin.

"Bella," he whispered, in a pained and raspy voice, yet still more beautiful than any song, more melodic than any chorus of angels. At that moment, he seemed more weak and drained than I had ever seen him. _Vulnerable._

My eyes began to water and I gasped audibly upon hearing him speak my name. At the sound, Edward took a deep breath and abruptly opened his eyes as he pulled away from me, reaching for a white towel lying on the seat next to him. I took a look at my surroundings and realized that we were in the backseat of a small car. Edward helped me sit up and brought the towel to the back of my head where I was bleeding. I winced as he placed pressure on the wound, but fought to keep my eyes open. My injuries didn't matter. Those wounds would heal quickly, but others—other wounds would leave permanent scars. I refused to waste a single, precious moment when he was near me. Who knew how long I would go without seeing his face the next time he left me? The thought alone was making me struggle to catch my breath, and I decided it would be best to focus on the present moment. I turned to Edward, who was deliberately avoiding my eyes, and mustered the courage to speak to him.

"W-What happened?" I asked, in a voice that surely could not have been my own. _Lifeless_. He didn't respond, and after a moment I decided to try again. My voice was low and pleading, begging for answers, an explanation, _anything_. "I t-thought I had failed, that I was too late to save you... I was so close, Edward. _So close_. I could see you, standing there ready to step out into the sun and give away your life…" My voice began to tremble and I fought with all I had to keep it steady. "What happened? What about the Volturi? What made you stop?"

My speech was low and slurred, but I knew he could understand me perfectly fine. Edward sighed slowly and brought the towel down from my head. He ignored my questions and moved his hands lower towards my foot, where he began removing my shoe so that he could examine my ankle. The pain shot up my leg instantly, and I made a slight hissing noise as I bit back a scream. Edward cringed at my reaction.

"I'm so sorry, Bella. This, _everything_… it's my fault, all of it," he whispered so quietly that it was nearly inaudible. I couldn't take it, I couldn't handle his guilt and remorse. As much as I thought that I wanted an apology, that I wanted him to pay and suffer and regret it all, everything, I knew now that I was wrong. His pain cut me just as deeply as my own. I didn't want revenge or payback… I just wanted to _forget._

"Edward, _please_," I begged him, trying unsuccessfully to stop the tears from spilling down my cheeks. Again, Edward sighed, but this time he looked me fully in the eyes before speaking.

"Your blood… It was your blood, Bella, always your blood," he remarked, so lightly and in such a nonchalant manner that we might as well have been talking about the weather. But I could see it all clearly reflected in Edward's eyes, the insincerity of his detached attitude, the true fear and remorse that lay behind his words. "I could have smelled it from miles away… When you fell and cut your head, the full force of your scent nearly knocked me off my feet… It had been so long, I had gone so long without that scent… It was entirely overwhelming, Bella. I knew it instantly. You were there, you were with me, hurt, but not dead. You were _alive._"

There was such a sense of incredulity and astonishment in his tone as he looked up and down my body reverently, ascertaining that I was truly alive and well. But I wasn't well. I was hurt and confused, overwhelmed and broken, trying to keep the pieces of my life together when just one look at Edward's flawless face was threatening to shatter me into a million pieces, heart and soul.

"Bella… we have to get to the airport as soon as Alice arrives…The Volturi… it would be best if we left Volterra as soon as possible." I nodded weakly, too exhausted to question what had happened with the Volturi. It didn't matter, none of it. Edward was safe. He was with me. We would make it back to Forks, alive and well and _together_. The past few months were nothing but a blur. I couldn't focus on the pain, on the heartbreak, on the hurt. Not when he was by my side. _Too good to believe_. How long before he broke my heart again? How long before he crushed it, the rest of it, what was left of it? How long before he would be nothing but a distant memory?

I hadn't noticed I was crying again, and I refused to let him see how weak I truly was. I would show him, prove to him that I was strong, that I didn't always have to be the damsel in distress, the victim. I closed my eyes and willed the tears to go away, the fear and dread to disappear so that I could enjoy these few, precious moments with him. But the more I tried and tried, wished and prayed that I could just be strong for once in my life, _for him_, the more I failed. I could soon feel Edward's cold hands on my cheeks and his breath surrounding me. His face was mere inches from mine when I opened my eyes again, and his proximity startled me. Edward reached his hands towards my eyes to wipe away my tears, and when he spoke it was in an intense and pleading voice.

"Please don't cry, Bella…. I can't, I just can't bear to see you in so much pain, to know that I was the cause of it all… I need to explain it to you, I need to make you understand. The truth, you need to know the truth, Bella." Edward brought his face even closer to mine, so that his lips were mere millimeters from my own. "You will never comprehend just how much I regret these past few months, how much I wish tha—"

Alice had chosen that moment to show up and open the front door of the car. Edward closed his eyes and sighed, slowly backing away from me as Alice sat down and turned to face me, smiling as wide as ever.

"Bella! You're conscious! How are you feeling?"

"I'm… fine," I replied, trying to force a smile. Truthfully, I was anything but fine.

"We're late for our flight, Alice," Edward said abruptly after checking his watch. Alice rolled her eyes at him, but started up the car and began the drive towards the airport. I could do nothing but sit in silence and stare at Edward as he scooted farther away from me. The distance scared me, and I moved towards him so that I could rest my head on his shoulder. He simply sighed and wrapped his arm around me before he began humming my lullaby. _It had been too long_. The beautiful melody still had an inexplicable power over me, and I closed my eyes as I heard it, losing myself to the memories it inevitably brought to mind. Memories of pain, memories of happiness. Memories of loss and memories of hope. But none of it mattered. I was safe. I was with Edward, losing myself in his embrace. This moment, this one, perfect moment, was what I had been waiting for since the day he had left me. This was exactly what I wanted, all of my dreams come true. But I couldn't shake that one nagging thought, the one that lingered in the back of my mind and wouldn't allow me to simply revel in the beauty of the moment.

_Was it, really? Was this my dream come true? Was this where I really, truly belonged?_

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**So? How was it? (:**

**I must admit, I struggled with writing Edward's character in this chapter. I was considering doing something in his POV, but I'm not sure I'll be able to pull it off.**

**Anyways, please leave a review! Thanks to everyone that reads my story, especially my reviewers and those that have added me to their Favorites or Story Alert.**

**Agh, you guys are just the best3**


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